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The way that I've seen it work on my campus is this: lettering, lavaliering/pinning, engagement. The lettering is a farily big thing to begin with and what happens is that a guy gives his girl a shirt with his letters on it to wear. I'm lettered to my boyfriend's fraternity.
Then there isn't really any difference between lavaliering and pinning on my campus, the difference is what piece of jewelry it is as far as I know. Some fraternities have sweetheart pins so that their girlfriends don't have their actual pin but some don't. It's a really huge deal to be lavaliered or pinned because that means that a guy has serious intention to be engaged to you next. Usually there is some sort of ceremony or at least some way of letting the brothers know it happened.
We have candle passings in my sorority to let people know when big stuff like this happens too. But, my sorority's nationals make it very clear that girls cannot letter or lavaliere or pin guys. The only thing they can wear is a screen print t-shirt with the name of the sorority spelled out on it. As far as I know that's true for all sororities. But, then guys probably wouldn't want a sorority's letters anyway...
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