[RedefinedDiva]

The problem is that we are being told to SETTLE by this article and an accompanying article by Iyanla Vanzant on the website.

I know that I am picky.... to an extent. However, I feel that I have a RIGHT to be. I don't AUTOMATICALLY diss someone because he isn't coming like Morris Chestnut in "Two Can Play That Game" (You know, a tall, dark, and handsome lawyer with his own home and substantial income). However, being that I have achieved a certain level of success in my life, why should I NOT expect someone to complement that?

I have NEVER had a requirement that the person that I date have a certain occupation; however, I DO require that he AT LEAST have a bachelor's degree. Hell, after next May, I'll have THREE. The least my mate can do is have at least ONE. In fact, I have even attempted to substitute the degree for military experience. I've tried to relax this "requirement," but it has done more harm than good.... I wasn't born a lawyer. I don't even know if I'll die as a lawyer. I can change my mind as the wind blows. I have been a teacher so I know that that is an admirable profession. I know that there are other professions that are well respected, so I'm not too picky about that aspect. However, I can admit that I would probably igg a stockboy too, so I don't know why the young man in the story is surprised.

In terms of height, I've never been (extra) picky about that either. I do have a PREFERENCE for men that are taller than I am. The thing is that I don't require that he stand as tall as Shaq, but I don't want to stare straight ahead and be able to see the waves in your hair either. Weight is not an issue all the time either. While I don't ordinarily date overweight guys, I have been trying to give them a chance. The only thing is that since I am trying to get into shape, he MUST do the same. That brings me to the guy that was short and overweight. Dude, be realistic. Something has to give. If you are short, you have to make up in other ways. Then he had the nerve to be some kind of clubhopper, which another issue in itself....

In terms of dress, I don't really care how one dresses in his down time. However, I would hope that he can dress for his age. At some point, the look needs to step up. Even Jay-Z came to his senses and started wearing jeans and "button-ups." I think that a man should also know how to fit in the most professional of settings. Attire means a lot. So, for the guy on the website that is actually an MBA grad, but is mistaken for a thug, he needs to grow up and realize that HE has some fault in how he's perceived. And finally, as far as looks go, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have ben known to date guys that other girls may not find attractive, but hey, I'm the one that has to look into his face. So, if I like it, you should love it.

I would have to agree with Blessed2bDST when she stated that women are always made to explain why they don't like a certain type of guy. However, men need to evaluate themselves. Yes, women are graduating and moving into power professions and positions at greater numbers and are seeking men in similar positions. However, men take advantage of this "man shortage" that they beat down our throats daily and use that as leverage to play women. And will women would probably like to date and settle down with men that may not share a comparable profession and/or income, one issue that arises, for exapmle, is that men oftentimes can't handle the fact that they are not the main breadwinner, which leads to resentment.

I'll bet that there is no follow-up on these men. If there is, I would like to see comments from some of the women that may have been in contact with them and/or may have gone on a date with them so that we can get the real story. I'll bet these "good guys" aren't the victims that Essence is making them out to be.