Well, I can give you a perspective from a House Corporation point of view (where we heard from both the collegians and the Housemother) as well as having our own perspective.
A Housemother needs to keep a balance between knowing the girls well enough to be accessible to them yet not getting so chummy with them that they no longer see her as an authority figure. Though she isn't there to be a policeman, she has to be able to make sure that house rules are followed. One of the biggest complaints my House Corp got from the collegians is that the Housemother didn't remind the girls of these rules
tactfully when the girls had guests, often causing embarrassment.
For the most part, the collegians wanted someone sweet and "grandmotherly" or at least parental who was warm and easy to talk to. Our House Corp worked with a woman who was wonderful once you got to know her yet outwardly seemed kind of chilly. Some complaints were that she didn't bake cookies for the chapter once in a while like the other housemothers did. She also didn't welcome guests to the house. This seemed particularly important when the collegians were entertaining PNMs during informal recruitment. (it became a real sore spot)
Since House Directors often work with a cooking staff, she should learn to be attentive to the needs of the collegians. Some complaints were that there weren't enough options for vegetarians, too much fried food, and late plates weren't always offered (and when they were they weren't refridgerated but left out to collect bacteria). You might think that all of this should be directed to the kitchen staff but invariably the Housemother takes the brunt of it and, in the end, she really should be looking after these things as her managerial duties.
That's mostly what we got back from the collegians and I'm sure you'll get plenty of suggestions from collegians in this thread.
If I might though, I'd like to offer some tips from the House Corp perspective.
Your friend should be pro-active when attending housing meetings yet beware not to step on the toes of the alumnae. (yet another balancing act) Make sure that there are clear lines of communication. It's great if there is a collegian appointed to act as liason. If there isn't one in place it might be gently suggested.
-Ask for a copy of the composite to assist in remembering names.
-Be prepared to be called on to fix minor items. Request a basic toolbox if there isn't one already available.
-Actively seek out and try to become friendly with the other House Directors. Unless your friend is attending graduate school while employed, the other Housemothers can often become the only connection to the adult world. These friendships will also prove invaluable when looking for new vendors (comparing costs and efficiency) and staff. It will also make it easier when disputes come up, avoiding such silly behavior as pushing trash bins back and forth over disputed property lines.
-Make sure that her duties are very explicitly detailed in her contract.
-Ask for feedback! This is so important. House Corp would hear things from various collegians but it wasn't until we asked specific questions in a yearly survey that we really saw the big picture and were able to address recurring problems.
-Do what the House Corporation asks, but don't allow bullying either. Sometimes it happens that a House Corporation (not mine of course) might ask the Housemother to do things that she might feel cross an ethical/moral line. Don't compromise integrity just for the job. It's not worth it.
Phew! I didn't mean to write a book there.
Oh, but the Housemother I had as a collegian actually
did write a book!
House Management: A Guide for Greek Chapter Houses (Paperback)
by Phyllis W. Parrish (Available through Amazon.com.)
Best of luck to your friend!
*Edited to add: I just remembered something else that bothered the collegians. Keep the door to the office/suite open as much as possible. You'd be amazed what adding a simple, friendly sign to the front of the door can do. Buying or making a sign that reads something like "Welcome! Come right in!" makes it easier for the collegians. If privacy is needed for a time during the day, post another sign letting the collegians know what's going on. Finding a closed door and not knowing if the Housemother was there, busy, or whatever really frustrated the collegians numerous times. It may sound silly and trivial, but it can make a big difference.