[James]

Interpretation of behavior is determined mostly by perspective.

So from the perspective of some people it makes perfect sense to use as many tools as they have at their disposal to "check" someone out.

Some of its to protect themselves, but I would wager that most of it is just a basic desire to "know" about another person they are interested in. Simple curiosity rationalized as a desire to protect themselves.

Kind of like skipping ahead in a story. Or skimming until you hit the good parts.

Some people will use more tools than others to go much farther. One person might ask around at work, or mutual friends. Another might search the internet. Another will run full credit checks and criminal backgrounds. I have heard of private investigators being hired.

Ok. So the person doing that stuff is obviously comfortable with invading someone's privacy to one degree or another.

But there are some acid tests.

Test number one is role reversal:

If you started dating someone and somewhere on the first through third date they told you that they had dug up information about you to check you out, at what level would you be uncomfortable?

*They had talked to people about you?
*They had searched a bunch of free sources on the internet about you?
*They drove by your house/work. Kind of followed you around.
*They had done a background search, credit search, probably paid?
*They hired professionals to search your background?

Test number 2 is disclosure:

In order for this to be cool so to speak, you have to be willing to tell your new interest within the first few dates, right after you did this, what you did and why. So they can judge it as part of who you are.

If you are unwilling to share, you know somewhere that there is something not quite right about your behavior.

Or . . . you believe that if this were something your future interest knew about you, she/he might judge you harshly and not want you. Which puts you in a wierd ethical situation.

Test number 3 is . . . being right:

You are right and she/he checks out wrong. It sort of justifies your paranoia and invasive behavior. Like in PM_Mama's case. Well she was right. He did turn out to have a fairly big secret and his behavior was "skectchy."

If you turn out to be wrong. It puts you in the wierd position of engaging in paranoid activity just to find out the person was who they said they were . . . which brings you back to test 2.

I just wanted to see what other greekchatters thought.

How far you would go to check others out. Or believe to be acceptable.

And to what level your new dates could go to check you out without you getting uncomfortable. Imagine them telling you by date number three.