Quote:
Originally Posted by newnameforme
4. When you go to the chapter house, it is always because you have to be there or do you ever go just because you want to? How about your pledge brothers? Do they spend more time at the house than you?
There are some pledge brothers that spend more time their than me. And I lot of times when i do go there just to hang out no one will be on the main floor and then its awkward for me to go upstairs to knock on peoples rooms just to hang out with them.
7. What did you expect of fraternity life when you rushed? How is what you are experiencing different from what you expected?
I expected the brothers to be closer to the pledge class by this point.
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Good call REE1993 on the discretion. Not a bad idea to remove college references newnameforme. You never know who is reading.
As for your replies that you have posted, the two I have quoted above are where I would suggest additional consideration in your own mind.
It is normal to not get along with some of your pledge brothers. If you are in a class with 23 guys, I am guessing your fraternity is pretty big- 100+ members perhaps. And so there will always be people you do not get along with. Getting over that enough to co-exist peacefully is actually one of the best parts about being in a fraternity in terms of developing skills that will serve you well in life.
Going back to question #4- and again, no need to post your response if you do not want to- I would just suggest asking yourself why it is awkward to you.
It would be awkward for anyone- it certainly was for some in my pledge class. Especially being a pledge, it can be really difficult to just go up and start introducing yourself around and hanging out.
So the question is, do you also find it awkward because you don't want to be there anymore?
And it might be too soon to really know the answer.
I am assuming you have "big brothers" in your chapter- and so your big brother or maybe an active or two you already hang out with is the way to get started. If you are just hanging out playing poker or whatever in someone's room, over time people drop- say hello and then from there you are hanging out and doing whatever and the awkwardness is gone.
I never really thought about it before, but that is kind of how it went with me. The actives who rushed me the hardest are guys I became friends with very quickly- and when I was hanging out with them at the house I very quickly met the rest of the chapter.
I lived 2 years in my chapter house and in any given day at least 5 or 6 other actives came through the door for one reason or another. It does not take very long to really get to know everyone once you get started.
But all that said, your reply to question #7 is the one that troubled me most. There is a difference between pledges and actives, but that should never be a wall to block socializing. Part of the purpose of pledgeship is to get you socially integrated into the brotherhood. If it does not happen in pledgeship, then it is less likely to just suddenly change once you get initiated.
If you really and truly feel the entire pledge class is very isolated by the actives, then I would suggest thinking about what you have observed in the active chapter.
In other words, do actives in the chapter have a strong tendency to be friends with others of their pledge class but have little to do with guys from other pledge classes? I don't mean isolated cases- but rather a strong and obvious trend among all the actives.
That is uncommon- but it seems to happen in very large chapters where it is hard to get to know everyone as it is, and where hazing exists to a degree that even after initiation a pledge class feels an eternal sense of resentment against the actives from earlier pledge classes.
Not much brotherhood to be found in that kind of environment.