Quote:
Originally Posted by Scandia
It is possible to go back. I was able to get over my first love, who happened to be my good guy friend. He did have to set some boundaries- but I did take no for an answer and eventually got over him (and my depression). I never stalked him. I never threatened him. I never harassed him. Those bad things had happened to me before from someone who would not take NO for an answer and who had become abusive in addition to stalking me.
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Wait, what? Do you even read the thread, or just respond with whatever corner case happened to you as an 'illustrative example' of . . . well, I have no idea what of . . .
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scandia
While this fellow sounds kind, I do worry that he may get abusive and harassing and become a stalker. There have been some guys who have been able to deal with our being just friends even if they liked me- hey, the last guy I dated is one of them. Others can't- like the convenient guy from sophomore year, whom I did not even have to tell that I did not feel the same way for him to realize it and end a friendship of 7 months.
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You do worry . . .then give examples of the exact opposite? Holy Jesus - guys, seriously.
It sucks, but you have to be able to step up and force the issue - you have all the power in this situation, which is why you feel awkward when he does things like "go for a hug" . . . in fact, even in the worst-case scenario ("stalker"), the whole point is trying to take back power.
Be clear, concise, and point out that this is really what you want ("This is what I want" is a VERY powerful term for those who are still attached). If he's hurt, don't back down or half-ass it. Do not compromise. Put yourself in a smart position when you do it, in the unlikely case that problems arise. Stop studying with him if you're not serious about hanging out.
Life is not a Rubik's Cube, dudes.