[evaclear04]

Originally Posted by luv4denzel

Hello everyone. It has been a long time since I've been on, but I've been quite busy. The last time I posted, I wrote about my mother who was having her second bout with stomach cancer. It is with a heavy heart that I inform you that my mother went home to be with the Lord on Monday, July 3, 2006. It's over: her suffering, pain, and weakness. The last few months have been very hard for me. I cry all the time. I can't sleep, I hardly eat (I've lost 20 pounds). I've lost my best friend. What am I supposed to do without my mother? I miss her so much. My heart is broken. I'm in such a dark place. Each day I pray for strength and solace. My boys are 5 and 6, and they need me. My six-year old came to me a couple of days ago in tears. When I asked him why he was crying, he told me "My birthday is coming, and Grandma is not here to be with me. I miss my Grandma." Then it hit me. As I held my son to comfort him, it occurred to me that I was being selfish in my grief. I'd forgotten that my children lost someone, too. She was very close to my children. I completely forgot that they miss her too. My 5 year old has autism, so I'm not sure if he'll even remember her. But when he sees her picture, he points and says "Grandma, Grandma".

I'm sorry to go on like this. I'm telling you, I've never been in so much pain. Everyone keeps saying it takes time. I stay in prayer, but I have to tell you that I don't think it's working. I know my mother is an angel now. I know that He had to call her home. But I miss her--her voice, her smile, her cooking, her friendship, her hugs. I'm crying right now. I've got no place to put my pain and heartache. So I humbly ask you all to keep me in prayer that my broken heart will heal, and I can move on with my life--with Mama watching from above. Be blessed.

I first send my condolences...I completely understand what you are going through with the loss of your mother. My mother passed 7/2/05 of Multiple Myeloma Cancer. I was 7 months pregnant and holding her hand as she left this place. I felt as though I could never be the same or happy. But I prayed that He take my pain and grief from me...knowing that my mother would have never wanted me to be tortured by her passing. And one day without warning...I felt that grief lift. This is not say that i don't have my bad days...I have times where i can't seem to catch my breath and I can't stop myself from crying and feeling alone ( I was always just her and I throughout my life). But I know that she is freed from the suffering and pain. And means more to me than anything else.