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Originally Posted by srmom
My son is a senior and will be going through rush next year. I honestly have no idea how fraternity rush works. I was in a sorority that had deferred rush, my husband was in a frat that had fall rush, but it was a long time ago, so we are clueless. My son knows some guys that are in fraternities at the school he will be attending and they all say he should join their frat. It sounds like it is mostly like EE BO is saying, and he will be invited to parties at those houses this spring and summer, but will he ever get a chance to see or be seen by other fraternities? My older son went to UF and is involved in a sport so chose not to do the frat thing, but the summer before, they sent questionaires for him to fill out (he didn't because he didn't want to rush), is this general practice? At my sr son's high school, it seems like all the guys tend to join certain fraternities at this college, so are these the only parties he will go to? I don't necessarily have a problem with this because the guys we know are great, but I would like him to have options. Any info would be appreciated.
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Welcome to the forum srmom.
It sounds like your son is in pretty good shape on the rush front. Anytime someone is getting recruited during high school by college friends and contacts, that is a good sign. So your son will surely have lots of choices.
Depends on the school and chapter, but very often you will see particular chapters recruit heavily out of particular cities and even certain high schools. So a fraternity can often be a continuation in some senses of high school. This can be good or bad depending on what your son wants.
It varies greatly- but typically if a rushee is a solid candidate with a particular chapter, he can expect to receive a bid after 2-3 events. 3 seems to be the usual standard.
It can sometimes happen at the 1st event- but frankly I find that suspicious. It looks desperate and your son should be wary about a fraternity that offers a bid the first time he attends a rush event. Even for guys who have strong connections to get into a house, it does not often happen at the first party. A chapter that bids a guy at the first party is a chapter whose judgment I would question because no matter a chapter's "rank" socially, they should be looking carefully at potential members and how they would benefit the brotherhood.
If nothing is forthcoming after 4 events, then it is time to reconsider whether things are working out. And it never hurts to ask a member privately at this point how things are going. Guys are going to be honest about this stuff and it could be nothing to worry about at all.
Once a person gets a bid during informal rush, it is okay to wait for a while to accept- but that can be a dangerous game. Sometimes pledge classes fill up, and sometimes a chapter can interpret a long delay in accepting a bid to mean a lack of interest. This is not usually the case, but my advice is that once your son finds a chapter he really likes, he should take the bid when it comes. There is not one particular house that will be the magical right place for your son, or anyone for that matter, to pledge- so no need to wait around for that to happen when you have a bid in hand from a house you really like.
On a final note, we all know the drinking age is 21. And I will not suggest anyone under 21 ever drink.
But summer rush events are parties. If your son must drink, the best advice I can give him is to NEVER get drunk or lose control of his senses.
Taking one sip is against the law, and that is a chance we all took at that age.
But even if you are rushing the hardest core party house on campus, the ONE thing that can get an otherwise solid rushee blacklisted in a hurry is being that rushee (and every year there are some) who thinks it is cool to get plastered and do stupid things. This is ESPECIALLY bad if ladies from sororities are present.
Rush for guys is a fairly laid back process. But not being able to handle your booze is one thing that can kill your chances during rush. Save that stuff for later.
It is better to not drink at all than drink too much. Even the party houses will be interested in a solid guy who does not drink. But drinking too much at rush events can only bring trouble.
Final advice- tell your son to talk to a few ladies who are either in sororities where he is going to college, or to fellow high school classmates who can get him in touch with sorority women.
Sorority members are the best resource he has to find out more about the various fraternities and what they are really like before he begins the rush process. Summer rush events often overlap, and so he might have to make choices about attending one party versus another. Having advice from sorority women will help him make better choices.
Best of luck to your son. This forum is here if you have any more questions or experiences to share.