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don't think anyone was picking on your daughter as an example, BamaDad. But I will say we've all run across PNMs and sisters who live their lives in a cloud. They have a false sense of entitlement and an over-inflated sense of self. I think it is important to have healthy self-esteem, but at what point do you see what's really in the mirror staring back at you?
We live in a society that no longer rewards the top performers-- some schools have done away with valedictorians, instead choosing to honor the top 10% (please don't launch into a tirade about how your kid was 10th's of a point away from the next one...). Or giving every athlete a blue ribbon in lieu of honoring the real star of the season. Everyone's a winner! As Ricky Bobby would say, "If you're not first, you're last!"
Part of it is parenting. The teacher is wrong, the tests are wrong, the coach is wrong, my kid likes candy so why not let him have it, etc... Kids grow up being told how great and wonderful and perfect they are: Is it any wonder that they come to recruitment and are crushed to be cut from the sororities after the first day? They've never been told before that they're anything but perfectly wonderful. And no, being cut doesn't make anyone less wonderful or beautiful, but as we've discussed ad nauseum in the AI Forum: if you don't bring anything to the sorority, your bubbly personality alone won't get you far without the grades and activities to carry you forward.
Long story short: recruitment can be the first time a young woman experiences any kind of rejection-- they've gotten the blue ribbon in the horse show (so did everyone else), they received a gold star on their English test (so did everyone else) and so on. They come into recruitment expecting gold stars and blue ribbons. Then again, many more people go through 4 years of college and expect to start in the workforce as a vice president in the corner office. Same situation: false sense of entitlement as a result of being raised to think you're the Second Coming.
/This doesn't apply to everyone. But I think we've seen it enough in real life to acknowledge that by "yes"-ing our kids to death, that we're not doing them any favors.
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"Speak out in class. There is nothing at stake except your self-esteem."
Amen! This was my frequent lament as the children were growing up. They were very involved in many sports--good in some not so in others, but I always hated it when we had to put money in the pot just so they could have a trophy! As parents we always felt it should be the love of it and the journey of getting there that should be the important part. Losing and disappointment are not always a bad thing even though it can be heartbreaking at the time.
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