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To best of my knowledge, there is no database. Women joining more than one group is becoming more frequent and so a database might be a good idea.
I think many of the NPC groups have a declaration on their initial forms that indicates that the new member is not already affiliated with a NPC, and that is what we have relied on to help enforce the unanimous agreement.
The stories I have heard of women being "found out" usually stem from someone in the old group telling someone in the new group--in this digital age, information travels fast.
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