[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by PhrozenGenius

I am 22 and my dating experiences are limited to the couple of relationships I've had in High School and my last um *cough, cough* 5 years *cough, cough* in college.

I'm graduating in 11 days, 8 hours, 29 minutes, and 17 seconds and the future of dating scares me just based on my experiences in college.

Sweetheart, you are too young to be thinking about walking down an aisle and committing yourself to wedded marital bliss... That is just my opinion. I personally think that until you have lived some kind of independent life without your mama or your daddy, only then can you be ready to be married...

I am coming from a true "Genesis" perspective--a man and woman must leave their families and cleave onto their spouses and become one flesh...

The idea is that 2 people are becoming a "family" to make more people, eventually... You and your significant other better be mature enough and prepared, financially, to handle all the aspects without runnin' back to anyone but each other...

I'm a good dude, highly motivated and such, but I can't seem to catch a break when it comes to dating my sisters...The problem lies with both of us and we've already established that fact, however what makes it more complicated is that it appears to be a situation of both NATURE and NURTURE...Black women/men often times hold current guys/ladies accountable for something that happened in their past. It's quite easy to be apprehensible about dating somebody new after being hurt...Well, as long as you're allowing your past pains/mistakes to dictate your present you will NEVER truly be happy because you're still REVELING in it.

I think you are not getting many breaks because you are so young... 22ish? Right? An older woman in her 30's will break you in half, then run a game on you that will have your head spinning... But most intelligent sistahs do not do that because the number of "available functional men" opposed to "dysfunctional unavailable men" are extremely limited as one gets older...

The problem you are observing is one engrained in racist history... Namely, when the man of Afrikan descent fails, he falls fast and hard. The propensity for that man to fail fast and hard exponentially increases from teens to ~55 years old. After that time, men of Afrikan descent are no longer seen threatening, because these men are either disabled, felony convicted, extremely ill and strung out, or underemployed--essentially Spiritual Eunuchs if you can give them that kind of name. The men of Afrikan descent who actually made something of themselves are already taken... And if they are not, they do have a past--namely marriage, divorce and children... I know A LOT of men of Afrikan descent well into their 60's and 70's who are single these days... But, I would not be the one to marry them because they are not interested in a "new family building", they are probably more interested in a "companion" who shares likes and dislikes... Also, not to mention, my own father would be psychotic about it... But then, it doesn't matter, I'm married to a younger man of Afrikan descent...

The Nurture part of it I can only speak on from what I've studied on women. Women have been raised to be SO independent that sometimes interdependence is unfathomable. That results in some women going into relationships like a business venture, a battle, or a self-centered concept. If you constantly tell us, "N**** I don't need you," or "I'm an independent woman" then we naturally are going to be sick of hearing it because it's always confrontational. In confrontation we go into fight ot flight mode, when we're tired of fighting, we naturally fly away. Immediately thereafter we become the "Triflin' black man."

WE KNOW YOU'RE INDEPENDENT AND STRONG! That's why we love you, but if you're so independent and strong that we don't feel needed, then we won't think you need us. Men and women are alike in the aspect of wanting to feel needed and wanted.

The women you are encountering are young and immature. They cannot handle your capability and may be jealous of it for whatever reason. Any girl that spouts off "I'm an independent woman" to her "man" to make it known she's has all that is really insecure with her own stuff and has self-esteem issues to begin with... It sounds like your recruitment strategy is off kilter and you are attracting or attracted to the wrong kinds of women.

A lot of women are unbalanced. Hayle, they have to balance at least 10 known hormones every month... And that crap starts from ~10/11 years old and doesn't stop until nearly 65 years old way after menopause... As a man, a sentient spiritual being, you have to be aware of the Shakti a woman exudes. She must maintain that structure or she will die from it. The regimented ways of man does not work for her, so she is makes it adaptable to her form and likeness just to function in a "man's world"...

Add career-building and desireability for family and you've got your "powder-keg"... Just like men love to go off into battle--be it on Halo or whatever XBOX 360 games you all have these days--or watching FIFA on ESPN with the exhilaration, it is the same dealyo with women and the ways and means to attain that "biological clock timebomb"...

Some women have it hitting earlier in their lives and are successful at quenching that thirst, even though it is not the most wisest of decisions to make... Other women suffer immensely by following all the rules it takes to satisfy the creed of "womanly Victorian behavior" beset by men 100's of years ago...

That is where I think a lot of sistahs get caught up... The fact that they don't have to be all Victorian in the way a relationship ought to work... They need to be about their own self-discovery and appreciation so that they have the Spiritual Nectar of Amitra to give to their spouse...

You need more Tantra in your life...