[Yaya Nuri]

I would like to know when exactly, did Black men develop such distain for Black women?

Traditionally, because of circumstances, Black women have had to be the backbone of the Black family. I won't even go into slavery; let's talk 50, 60 years ago, when Black men were being systematically shut out of "the system" (jobs, etc). Not to mention the slaughter of Black men. Someone had to feed/clothe the children, pay rent, etc. Black women were left to do that, as a result of a Black man not working, or having been killed.

Look at the footage of Bull Connor sic'ing his dogs and fire hoses on Black people, and tell me how many black WOMEN you see out there, side by side, with black men. How many Black WOMEN refused to ride the Montgomery buses? How many Black WOMEN put up with disrespect from rutting white men? The stories of white men taking sexual advantage of Black women...and encouraging their sons to do the same...is documented.

Having dealt with all this trauma, having loved Black men through all the hardship...and what is our reward? Black men have no more use for us, because we're not what, soft and feminine enough? Because we're assertive? And while I understand a Black man wanting "peace" in his life, let's be real...the behavior of more than a few Black men certainly does not contribute to "peace". In fact, I believe that, unless a Black woman is psychotic, many have legitimate reasons to be pissed off. For one, Black women are TIRED, with a capital T.

I've worked for the same company for over 15 years. One the things I've noticed is when black women...married black women...have babies, they are forced to run back to work after only six week of maternity leave (or 12 if she's had a "C" section). They are exhausted from caring for a newborn and having to work a full time job. Question: WHERE are the husbands, and WHY are they NOT doing their job? And what is their job? To care for their wife and child. Period. Don't get me wrong, I am not an advocate for a sista sitting on her ass all day, while hubby works, but I think EVERY woman should be allowed the necessity...not privilege...of being at home with her baby until it is old enough to attend nursery school...usually about age 2. Then she can get back into the work force. Compare this with white women who have children and who take extended leaves of absence. I have yet to meet a woman in this co. who has NOT taken an extended/indefinite leave of absence, to be home with her children, with the exception of two executives who had the privilege of having live in au pairs care for their children. They do not drag into work exhausted as a result of having been up all night with a baby. Because their husbands take care of them both, until baby is ready for school, and mother is ready to return to work.

It is sad to say, but many married black women don't have it much better than single women with a baby. And that makes no sense to me. What good is a man if he is not able to care for his family the way he should? It is a man's JOB to provide for his wife and baby. How can a man be comfortable with his wife having to trudge to a babysitter with his baby, a few months old? What happened to stretching a dollar? What happened to doing without unnecessary items? Is an extra paycheck more important than the safety and well being of a newborn? Is it not more important that a new mother be able to properly care for, and bond with, her baby? A man does what is necessary to take care of his family, even if it means working two, or three jobs.

I remember being a little girl. My mother did not work outside the home until I was a teenager. And my father took care of both of us. I remember that he worked two jobs in those early years. And yes he was tired. And yes, I had to keep quiet while daddy slept. But the point was, he "manned up" and did what a man is supposed to do...take care of his family. In fact, he was not pleased that my mother wanted to work, but there was no need for her to be at home all day. I was 14, a pretty mature young lady, and able to take over her duties i.e. cooking, etc. But he didn't stand in her way of working. And work she did....and helped him to purchase a home they've had for nearly 40 years.

I think that a situation where a black woman is "nagging" a good black man, or giving him a hard time for no reason is extremely rare. In most cases, when a sista is nagging, there is a good reason behind it. However, nagging doesn't fix things. So it's up to her to sit down and make some serious decisions regarding her marriage.