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My suggestion is that y'all need to discuss this with your recruitment and chapter advisors.
The thing is though, with it being summer, it might be a bit difficult. But, if there are a lot of sister in town and your advisors are in town I would suggest arranging a meeting.
Your advisors are the ones who have to be the "big bad" and tell the alums, "yes, we would love your help with formal recruitment, but only in this capacity".
Then the advisors, and possibly your exec board, have to stand firm when alums show up and start demanding things or demanding to help and it's not in the capacity that they were told.
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"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the capacity to act despite our fears" John McCain
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
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