Quote:
Originally posted by PerfectVerse06
If you've never used the slur before, then you wouldn't think to use it so freely that it just 'slips' out of your mouth without you thinking about it.
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I understand your logic.
My thoughts will probably be convoluted.
It seems to me that this is complicated on more than one level.
First, our lexicon is constantly changing. There are some words and phrases that may take on a bad conotation, and some people may not even realize it until they're called on a usage or have ticked someone off. In my lifetime, the "acceptable" word for a group has gone from colored, to negro, to black to African American. My own heritage has gone from Indian to Native American. As society moves along, some people just aren't immediately aware of how things change -- or are slow to understand. Years ago the term "Cop" (police officer) was offensive to people in that profession. Now, they use it to describe themselves.
Second, while this is often a phenominon of youth, there IS a first time for the use of every word. I can actually remember the first time I ever used the word $hit. I had heard enough people say it, and it just popped out there on the elementary school playground. I suppose it could be argued that if you hear a lot of racial slurs in your day-to-day life, you're hanging out with the wrong people.
Third, I think sometimes people talk faster than their brain really processes what they're thinking. Again, I suppose it may be argued that the reason it pops out is that it -- the word or the feeling -- is embedded somewhere in your conscious or subconscious mind, and that's not good. The old line, "Be sure your brain is engaged before putting your mouth in gear," comes to mind.
Fourth, while I can't think of a specific example, some words are a slave to conotation. In other words, a word can have an entirely different meaning, depending on how it is used. That's obviously stating the obvious. The preceeding sentence from our Department of Redundancy Department.
Fifth, there is the whole Politically Correct situation. I hate that term, and won't discuss it here.
Sixth, some words and phrases simply mean different things to different generations. When I was younger, to say something or someone "sucks" was a whole lot more dramatic and drastic than it is today. It was probably one of the worst things you could say to someone. What your peers say, may be highly offensive to a different peer group.
Seventh, life is so complex that things just accidentally come out wrong sometimes. A few years ago, a young African American/Hispanic woman I worked with and her future husband , a young African American man (both middle management, college educated highly respected people working for very prestigious companies), who were living together, were looking for a house to buy. A realtor -- trying to make conversation -- said something like, "a few years ago, a couple like you would not have been able to buy a house." When questioned, what she meant was an unmarried couple -- but it certainly could have been taken differently. In any conotation, it was a dumb thing to bring up, but stupid things are sometimes said in the course of trying to make polite conversation.
Of course, there are some words and phrases that should never be used. Most of them are pretty obvious.
In the end, I think that all of the above should be taken into account. If someone you like, admire, trust, etc. slips and says something offensive and after considering all of the above possibilities (and there are others, I'm sure) you decide it is something they believe -- then I think it is fair for your feeling for that person to change.
Otherwise, to err is human, etc.
In a previous lifetime, when I had training to teach diversity courses for NBC, they pointed out a number of phrasess that almost all of us use in our daily lives -- like "more bang for the buck," that were highly offensive when they started.
People do and say stupid things. It seems to me that you have to evaluate the reason something is said before passing final judgement.
Sorry, I said this would be convoluted. I hope it makes at least some sense.
My very last thought at the moment, is that perhaps if someone says something offensive, it really is a part of their mindset somehow. I'd like to hope not, but I don't even pretend to be absolutely sure about much of anything anymore.