[honeychile]

I was four when three relatives died within two months - one (my favorite uncle, by marriage) a suicide. My parents reminded me about baby birds & other animals which I had seen dead, and how the Lord cares about every sparrow. Then they told me that my (relative) had died, and was now in heaven, followed by what I would see at the funeral home, and how I was to behave.

The only problem was with my uncle, as my daddy had found his body. My mother had a lot on her plate, with my daddy being a major wreck, my aunts coming in to stay with us, and the funeral! My brother, in his teenaged "maturity", told me that my uncle was sick, not dead, so when we got to the funeral home, and I saw him there, I asked, "Why is Uncle Al sleeping here?" My daddy scooped me up, took me into the hallway and cried - the only time I saw him cry. A month later, I was given two baby peeps for Easter, and two nights in a row, one crawled into bed with me and was smothered.

From my own experience, I think you need to talk about death prior to it hitting home - even if it's talking about roadkill. It's a good time to instill your own beliefs concerning death and an afterlife, and it prepares the young. My one cousin didn't have to deal with death until she was 18, and she was an absolute mess when it happened! You can't crawl into your mom or dad's lap and ask questions when you're that old.

ETA: Please forgive me - I'm sorry to hear about your loss, and will be praying that your children cope well.