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I am 22 and my dating experiences are limited to the couple of relationships I've had in High School and my last um *cough, cough* 5 years *cough, cough* in college.
I'm graduating in 11 days, 8 hours, 29 minutes, and 17 seconds and the future of dating scares me just based on my experiences in college.
I'm a good dude, highly motivated and such, but I can't seem to catch a break when it comes to dating my sisters. I've run across all of the "stereotypical" females that were mentioned in a previous post and some of my best friends are the "stereotypical" black males that sistas always gripe about. (i.e.-The Thug, the Serial Babydaddy, the Player, the Wannabe Player, the Compulsive Liar, the Brotha That Only Dates <insert other ethnicity here> Girls)
The problem lies with both of us and we've already established that fact, however what makes it more complicated is that it appears to be a situation of both NATURE and NURTURE.
Black women/men often times hold current guys/ladies accountable for something that happened in their past. It's quite easy to be apprehensible about dating somebody new after being hurt. That's nature (If you touch a stove and it burns you, your body tells you DO NOT touch it again) That has GOT TO STOP! If you allow your trust issues to deter you from getting to know a wonderful person because you've already convicted them of a crime that they never committed then you are sabotaging the relationship and perpetuating your own B.S.! People like to cite their "trust issues" that they've developed from past relationships as a reason for sometimes erratic behavior in current relationships. Well, as long as you're allowing your past pains/mistakes to dictate your present you will NEVER truly be happy because you're still REVELING in it.
The Nurture part of it I can only speak on from what I've studied on women. Women have been raised to be SO independent that sometimes interdependence is unfathomable. That results in some women going into relationships like a business venture, a battle, or a self-centered concept. If you constantly tell us, "N**** I don't need you," or "I'm an independent woman" then we naturally are going to be sick of hearing it because it's always confrontational. In confrontation we go into fight ot flight mode, when we're tired of fighting, we naturally fly away. Immediately thereafter we become the "Triflin' black man."
WE KNOW YOU'RE INDEPENDENT AND STRONG! That's why we love you, but if you're so independent and strong that we don't feel needed, then we won't think you need us. Men and women are alike in the aspect of wanting to feel needed and wanted.
I know I just spoke in a couple of absolute terms, but I will recognize the fact that there are exceptions to every rule. I have an ex that is the antithesis of this argument, she recognizes her strength and independence but knows that she still wants and needs me.
Anyway, I think I've spilled enough of my guts for now...
PEACE
FYI-Read "When Chickenheads Come Home To Roost" it illustrates and articulates my argument better than I ever could...from a female perspective.
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