this might be mean, but i would stop involving the MOH. she lives in HI, and like you said, might not even be able to make the party.
i wouldnt let her know i wasnt including her, i would just stop CCing emails to her
.
Do any of the other bridesmaids have close relationships with this woman? maybe they can provide some insight on how to "deal" with her.
she's probably just bitter. im sure you are planning an great party for your friend, be proud of yourself!