Quote:
Originally posted by SummerChild
Come on Dionysus, where are you finding these AA guys that you are dating? If you're finding them at a *somebody's college* then they are probably well integrated into the mainstream. Come on now, where are you finding these guys?
Also, I guess that I would say that if there was any mismatch, it was probably the perspective on what is to be valued. Example - there is no inherent value in being well-integrated into the *mainstream* for the sake of being so. Basically, the term "mainstream" is just another term for the majority culture of a place. So if we say live in the US, the mainstream will be defined by the power players or the most populous and dominant group, which tends to be non-AAs. So it seems feasible that a guy may not be totally intertwined into the non-AA group if he is not AA. I digress... My point is that we must always consider and critique our own point of reference. There is no inherent value in the majority culture or the non-majority culture, it's all a matter of choice. You choose the majority culture on many things and maybe this guy did not. That does not mean that he was not exposed or well-integrated, only that he may have *chosen* what he liked best, as you have. Many of us have been exposed but we choose what we like, it's just a matter of choice and it seems that yours were different. Of course, that's not a matter of race, there are many guys that may choose mainstream and be AA. It's all where you hang out.
The fact that one chooses the non-majority culture over the majority culture does not necessarily imply a lack of exposure. To assume so must imply that when one is exposed to the majority culture, one will automatically choose it b/c there is the idea that it is better or there is some inherent value. Consider that there may be value in the non-majority culture as well and you may see more value in these guys you deem "stereotypical."
Also, regarding feeling that many AA guys are walking stereotypes, how many have you really interacted with? B/c it does not sound like you've had a reasonable sample. I say that b/c you lived in an all non-AA community while growing up, and went to non-AA populated schools in K-12 ..... Perhaps your sample set is not large enough to make generalizations. Consider.
Also, we must all be careful not to buy into the stereotyping that is displayed in mainstream. You mentioned that you had only heard of "bootlegging" like 5 times in your life. All of that is to what?? Is "bootlegging" some term that you associate with AAs? That's a stereotype. Expand, you will see that in many circles, we do not even use that term. That's a *stereotype*.
You have not heard of Zora Neale Hurston before this board? Why not? You are college-educated and AA. She wrote, if not the first, one of the first modern day AA romance novels. Even if you grow up in a predominately non-AA community and go to those schools, we must all take time to delve into things if they are important to us. Is AA literature important to you? It's not mainstream. Is it important to you?
SC
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First guy I went to church with.
Second guy was my mother's best friend's cousin, I'm serious, lol.
Last guy did attend college, but not the same one. I doubt that matters though.
I made a clear distinction between the typical black guy and the stereotypical black guy...using my definitions. I never said that many AA guys were walking stereotypes.
As for you saying that I "chose" to integrate with mainstream culture...I guess it's true to a degree, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's what I knew, and what I liked. Within the last few years, I have been delevoping interest in AA culture also. I'm beginning to like the best of both worlds. But even now, I don't think I can relate to a guy who's only been exposed to AA culture. I hope you don't think that I see all black guys that way. I would love to find another black guy who I can relate to, so I wouldn't have to go through the drama that many IR's bring. I know they are out there some where. I knew three or four and I was attracted to them, but the feeling did not seem to be mutual. It just seem like I'm out of luck.