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I took a young man to the ER after his skull was cracked open on a car doorjamb during his Hell Week in 1985. He had been triple blind folded, driven in a car for hours on end while being forced to do shots every few minutes. When he was told to get out of the car, he was slow and uncoordinated because he was so drunk, so an active brother yanked him out of the car by the rope around his neck (which held a pillow case on) roughly. The next morning, when he woke up, his roommate came and got me because he was bleeding out of his ear. He never regained full hearing. It caused a huge rift in his fraternity because he was treated so badly by some of the brothers. He went through with his initiation (I don't think I would have), but he never ended up feeling comfortable there and pretty much stopped being active after his big brother graduated, about a year after he was initiated. I don't think that situation created any unity.
Same fraternity, the next semester. Instead of blind folding the guys, they made them do shots in a line up and threw food at them if they didn't answer questions correctly. One of them was hit in the eye with a piece of egg shell which pierced his eye. He was permanently blinded in that eye. He chose not to initiate. This incident also caused a huge rift among the brothers. Was this man not dedicated because he didn't want to be part of a fraternity that permanently injured him?
While it is true that people who experience a trauma together often feel united (as I feel especially close to the co-workers who watched 9-11 unfolding with me), that is not the only way to build unity, nor is it the best way.
I could never respect someone who treated me poorly. As an earlier poster said, respect is earned by giving respect, not by intimidating someone into respecting you. That is fear, not respect. It is bullying. It builds resentment and it makes people want to hurt someone else as they have been hurt.
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