Quote:
Originally posted by dakareng
It would be up to the mother/ sister/ grandmother to send the proper forms to the chapter.
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I would love this, but, ah if only.... We have many PNMs who indicate legacy status, but we don't receive the paperwork. We do verify through the sorority's member search on the website or through Executive Office before considering the woman a legacy. Sometimes we pledge that legacy. and she says "Oh, my mom had no idea she was supposed to send in a form!" And what if the mother / sister / grandmother is deceased?
There's just no way that everyone is going to agree on what an appropriate legacy policy should be. We released three legacies this year but did not call the family members, as we have never been instructed that that is our policy. In fact, one sister protested the release (which was done properly and with the appropriate permissions) by contacting our District Recruitment Director. The DRD and our Province Director decided that it was best handled by International Officers rather than by someone who was too close to the situation - even when I offered to call and speak with her. I know that my collegians made the right decision on all three legacies, and their behavior since recruitment has only validated the releases.
I have a question for those who believe all legacies should be offered a bid regardless of what the chapter thinks. And I do not mean this question disrespectfully, but rather in asking advice for how to handle this situation should it arise in the future. If your daughter or sister is released by her legacy chapter for standards reasons - i.e., she has been seen drinking heavily, using illegal drugs, acting promiscuously - what should I tell you as the advisor who calls to inform you of the release? And what should I tell you if she was released because she was acting snobby and telling everyone in the chapter - as well as other chapters and PNMs that she is "definitely going ADPi" cause she's a legacy and legacies are automatic bids? These are situations that I have encountered. In both of these cases, the family member has complained, threatened to cut ties, and wondered loudly (and rudely) where all the respect has gone. One alumna insisted that her sister was just the most fabulous thing going - an opinion that was not shared by one single active collegian. Sometimes love is (and should be) blind. Peers witness things that others don't.
I understand that alumnae want to share their sisterhood with their relatives. And since I do not have a sister or daughter, I admit that I cannot understand these feelings. Also as alumnae, we must respect and trust our sisters to make appropriate decisions that will affect THEM. We don't have to understand it or like it, but we have to respect it. If being in your sorority is that important, transfer the PNM to a university where recruitment is not quite as cut-throat. If being Greek and experiencing sisterhood is most important, encourage her to consider her other options. Luckily, the three we released found a place to call home and have ironically become a close little group.