[irishpipes]

Good luck to you. I haven't spoken to my own father in 19 years. His last correspondence of any kind with me was a "birthday" letter that he sent me on my 18th birthday explaining how disappointed he was in me. I just cut my losses at that point and moved on.

Last year my 6 year-old son out of the blue told me that he has 2 grandpas - and one of them is invisible. "Invisible?" I asked. "You know, I can't see him. Invisible." That really hit hard. It is one thing for me to decide that I don't want to deal with the anguish that accompanies a broken parental relationship - it is another to deny my child a grandparent. Plus, I found myself wondering how my son would feel if my father died before he ever got to meet him. I still haven't settled on what to do in my own situation. There are some big differences. You haven't talked to your dad in a year - mine has been much longer. Secondly, my dad has never taken the initiative to contact me. I think though, that I would probably allow my kids to spend the gift cards and send thank you notes. You could always tack on a note of your own simply remiding him that he is welcome to contact you if he wishes. That way the responsibility falls back onto him. You won't have regret.