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PART 2
Although my habit had reduced to only once a day and the frequency of my buying magazines diminished (it was totally eliminated in 2002), I still had a LOT of work to do. God had to do a major spiritual cleansing in my soul and because of my longevity in such a sin, it was not an instant deliverance.
Nonetheless, my habit frequency as well as my video rental frequency also diminished significantly (I can safely say I no longer struggle with temptation to rent videos). But another bad habit was coming up on the horizon. Yes, the Internet.
In 2003, I got my first computer with Internet access, and got my first taste of Internet porn almost immediately. Staying up late night to all night looking at cyberporn became a regular thing and I was running up credit card bills (but thankfully I had the money needed to pay them off). In June 2004 I got rid of the Internet and my computer 6 months later. 5 months later (May 2005), I got another computer and another Internet hook up, and unlike the previous times, I began downloading pics and movies on my laptop to the point I had close to 7 GIGABYTES of porn on my computer (about 25% of my hard drive).
By this time, I had enough. My accountability partner whom I enlisted 6 months ago cracked down on me and told me to shape up. I installed a filter and accountability software on my computer, deleted the files, and now I am fully prepared to do whatever it takes not to go back to where I had been.
Lessons learned from all my years of sin:
My addiction was largely due to my need to anesthetize pain (loneliness, rejection from girls, abuse from my family and classmates at school).
I could not fight this addiction alone. Major victories were occurring simply by my enlisting an accountability partner to help.
I badly needed to get out and socialize and fellowship with others and overcome my fear of rejection. Sometimes my spending too much time alone would be all it took to fuel the desire.
Simply put, the social fellowship killed the addiction. The Word kept the addiction buried.
I wish more men with this problem would be bold like Kirk Franklin and step forward and confess it. That alone can make a world of difference.
BTW, if you wish to laugh at me or mock me because of my confession, I understand. But I also understand there’s nothing anyone can do to me what the enemy hasn’t already tried to do to me. I fought the enemy and the enemy lost.
Sorry for the book and while I did not mean to hijack the thread, I had to get this off my chest after all these years.
Blessings…
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