Soror, go with your heart and don't worry about what anyone (not family, not friends) have to say b/c you have to be the one who can sleep at night - not anyone else. Factor in the drama from the past, your potential for a better job opportunity, your potential to be with this man long-term, the risk that it might not work out between the two of you and if, on balance, your heart tells you to go, then go. Don't worry about a ring or anything else. It is your life to live so don't worry about what others think. Just go with your heart b/c at the end of your life, you will be the person looking back and possibly regretting or not.
I moved for a better job opp but can not deny that the guy that I had dated long-distance was a huge factor in *where* I moved for a new job opp. I knew that if I did not move to where he was, then I would *never* know if things would have worked out. So I came here and we are together. Of course, I was prepared for it if it didn't work out as well.
I guess that the worst that could happen is that you have moved, gotten a better job, got to see another part of the country but may (or may not) be around your family. You only live once and you can always go back home.
I guess that I get annoyed about this whether you have a ring thing. It's 2001 and that ring security thing was really for the day when women had to depend on a man for financial security. If you are not depending on him for financial security, what difference does it make whether you have a ring b/c if it doesn't work out, I assume that this is a place where there will be other men that you can get the ring from right? Is this a place where, if things don't work out, you won't be able to find anyone else?
I am not telling you what to do b/c at the end of the day, you have to do what's right for you. My opinion is that whatever you choose, choose it b/c it's in *your* heart - not b/c your parents or girlfriends told you that it was the right or wrong thing to do.
Weigh everything, the good and the bad in your relationship, in the possible outcomes, etc. Pray about it, go with your heart and don't look back. Make the decision that will allow *you* to sleep at night.
SC
Quote:
Originally posted by Convinced
First, let me say that it has been ages since I logged on. I have been silently reading for the last couple of weeks and could not resist getting back in.... I've missed you guys
Well, as usual, I've got a problem! (I did a search to see if this topic has been discussed and I couldn't find it....)
Anyway, I have been dating this guy for a little over a year and I am DEEPLY in love with him I have had lots of boyfriends before, but never anyone that I have connected with on this level. Well, he recently got a job offer out of state, and the job will be about a $30,000 increase. I have been just overcome with grief at the thought of losing him. I don't want to be selfish and have him miss this opportunity, but I don't want him to leave either. Well, last night, he said that it would be really easy for me to find a job there too, because the job market is so much better, and being in the education field, I could make so much more money. I want to go, but I don't know if it would be foolish to go without a ring. We have talked about getting married in the near future. If I do move, I will not live with him... I have to have my own place.
I've never seen a long-distance relationship work, so I'm confused about if I should stay or if I should go. We've had issues in the past (baby's mama), but I love this man beyond belief. What do you all think?
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