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I really hate to see gay men being sold this bill of goods, i.e. the subliminal suggestion that if they reveal themselves or "come out" to their fraternity brothers then all will be welcoming and forgiving.
Just about the only place I can see this happening is in a chapter that is uncompetitive and low ranking already. I have seen recently on the campus where I live the effects of a fraternity pledging men who were either openly homosexual, or found out to be that way. Their rivals are unmerciful, and the members are violently split in their reactions. The individual gay members then become lightening rods for anything bad that happens.
The truth is - in spite of what the popular media implies is the norm - healthy young heterosexual college men traditionally do not want close association with open homos within the confines of a fraternity house, and are extremely uncomfortable with it.
When I ws an undergraduate, we had members in the chapter that we suspected were homosexual, but we never asked, and they had the good grace and fraternalism to play the manly role while they were in school. It's a matter of getting along and not making your friends uncomfortable.
I think Coramoor is right: gay men join fraternities for the same reason the rest of us do: friendship, social outlets, networks, acceptance of peers. If revealing their behavior is going to cause trouble, they should recognize that and simply remain quiet.
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