Quote:
Originally posted by The Cushite
But I think most poor people probably find the best opportunity to find life chances by entering into sexual relationships. This may answer why these women will have sex with these men they don't deem fit to marry. The sex with the men fills a need in there lives to find enjoyment and fulfillment, although this is only fleeting. But, the temporary feel good suits most poor people just fine because they have come to value the "now" way more than the future because of a loss of hope due to a critical assessment of the type of future that they will have. Being poor in America is as good as a death sentence to most. With poverty comes lack of fiscal, social, and political "capital" that can serve to help people get those "life chances". The heart breaking thing about this is that the loss of hope sets in very early on (I have taught kids in the 3rd grade who saw themselves as 'hustlas' because they didn't think people like me were real). This hopelessness characterizes most of the choices that poor people make, thus we see choices that appear as undisciplined and hedonistic, when in reality they are just responses to hopelessness.
In our Sunday school class, we talked about how a generation of black folks could come along in 2005 that is so hopeless (I finally got them to see that it wasn't just that the kids were not as strong as we were, but that they were growing up without the community that we had). One would think that with all of the churches in our community, hope would be one of the few things that we had. But, as we see in this article, many of the things the church teaches (like Marriage and sex only in marriage) are not being valued by our young people, because they don't see the point. There is very little "hope in Zion" so to speak. We in the church are not critical enough of poverty and discrimination to show our youth that things can get better and that there is value in living a more disciplined life. Too often, the message of the black church blames the victim for their condition, which in turn breeds more hopelessness for some, and "other worldliness" in most (this is how I think retreating to the church can be harmful).
Bro. Tony B06 is correct in that the Gov. should be the last place that talks about the need to strengthen the black family, but the church probably should be the first. But, I think it will take more than a couple of sermons to make marriage more accessible to more young ppl. Like my wife likes to say, we need more practical information about relationship building, life planning, and personal development in order to make marriage more of a reality to young ppl. Our churches need to be more critical!!!
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Some of your assessments are valid. But from what I've read and seen, it has been my experience that many of those in leadership positions in the church are not family oriented--which scares me when we discuss the "traditional familial relationship"--meaning a man and woman get married and have 2.3 kids...
Okey, when has that EVER been a condition in the Af. Am. community? More than likely, a high educated Af. Am. woman desires marriage and she has a few options: Marry beneath her class level; get married in reverse (kids, then married) or not get married... Another option is pursue an alternative lifestyle... The Black Church FAILS miserably on being open to the widening definition of a family...
Then, we aren't EVEN going to get into the number of Af. Ams. in multi-racial relationships that get married and have kids--given that the numbers indicate these kinds of relationships have a higher divorce rate percentage... These data just came out about 4 months ago on marriage... Goggle it... There was an article in the Seattle Times about it 4 months ago...
The Black Church is extremely strict on it's definitions of a bonafide relationship. And does little to uplift any kind of "ship" that folks have. People are just plain sick of hearing the preaching and are completely turned off. I know I am... And my pastor is DIVORCED from HER husband!!!
(Highly trained pastor, knows her stuff very well and speak on the Bible and it's teaching. She's moved and touched in the Spirit, but family life is a tad bit lacking--but that's because her husband did abuse her...)
When I wanted to implement strong maritial enrichment courses in my church, folks clowned me. My husband and I had to goto the caucasian churches, pay $50 for a 2-day session on basically, "how to be married" with "conflict resolution skill"--how to argue fairly... Moreover, there are 100's of "marriage enrichment books" out there--NONE OF THEM APPLICABLE TO US!!! NADA!!! I've looked...
Now marriage takes a lot of work. Most folks don't wanna put that much work into anything, much less the inability to communicate effectively with supposedly significant other. It's easier to quit and yell at your kids...
And if Af. Ams have that mentality too, then it should be no surprise that many a sistah goes it alone and a brotha has a misconception...
I've spoken to folks from other cultures, especially Islamic and Hindus. And their cultural understandings of the expectations in a marriage... It DEFINATELY AIN'T like ours--the American Way... And although folks don't like the folks at the Focus on the Family--because they are rather bigotty--they do have a point in strengthening our family--at least they are trying to do it in someway--i.e. the Covenant Marriage Licenses and Vows with the pre/post and mentorship maritial training...