Quote:
Originally posted by The Cushite
They were discussing and op-ed piece in the Washington post by William Raspberry entitled "Poor Women's Magical Outlook", mainly about a book written by 2 sociologists who did a 5 year study on single mothers in Philly and Camden, NJ. Their study suggested that single parent-ness may be resulting from a conscience delay in marriage because women want to be more independent when they get married so when they do, they won't have to be so dependent on the abusive, controlling men that they see in their community. The article goes on to show how this notion of marriage sets these women, and their children, up to stay in poverty for long time because marriage is probably one of the best things that people can do to rise out of poverty.
Question, why is marriage declining? And Also, is advocating for people to get married good socio-economic policy, considering all of the non-scientific, non- quantifiable, non-logical:-) (the Apostle Paul called it a mystery, I believe) things that actually will make a marriage last (namely love of self and spouse, etc)?
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I am guessing that you are wondering why folks actually getting married for the first time is declining, rather than folks having marriage failed, who get divorced, then remarry?
I think statistics show that folks have marriages that fail, get divorced then either remarry or not ever get married again... I think that divorcees deciding to not remarry is on the decline... At least that is what all the marriage enrichment websites are saying: namely "smartmarriages.com", "centerformarriages.com", "gottsmaninstitute.com", etc.
Young people under the age of 30 are not accelerating to the alter like their previous ancestors are. There are numerous reasons for that. The main one folks are saying is that the opportunities for women have exploded and that women no longer need a "man" for a "life", etc. That marriage is a luxury item, rather than a necessity for a smart, intelligent, working career minded woman...
Another reason is that men statistically are no longer the huge "breadwinners" as they were 20 years ago. Decline in economics, etc. are stated as the reasons. Most folks who have a college education, then pursue professional school may have indebted themselves in student loans. These loans are barely paid up until one reaches their 30's, if not later. Coming into a marriage with a huge amount of debt is tough on the relationship, generally.
The way I read William Raspberry's column was that many young teen mothers have a "rose colored glasses" view of life. It sounded like they were hoping for a "Prince Charming" to come in on his "white horse" and "ride off into the sunset"--rather than a realistic notion that if you bring a child into the world without parental resources and guidance, that ability to even meet that "Prince" will never happen because all your time will be taken up on barely surviving for that child. And a child taking care of a child is tough... Compared to a 30 something unmarried woman having a child out of wedlock... (I have my own issue about that concept alone)...
So advocating marriage for the "poor woman" is in seems fishy to me at first glance. It looks like the state is removing itself from its responsibilities to the young, single, unwed mothers and forcing her to contend with a man that neither one of them expected the outcome and they have to take care of each other to get their families going...
On the other hand, it is about sacrifices when you marry and it's worse when you have a child or have children. Because you have the marriage penalty tax assessed on you, but your incomes now get considered as one and decisions can be made jointly...
However the advocation of "poor women" to get married to their baby's daddies seems like we are going back to the 50's of the nuclear family...
And when is the last time a Black family ever has been completely nuclear? Nuclear annihilated, yeah... But the consummate nuclear family? Okey...
And the last thing is you can have all the glazed feeling of true love for a marriage... But that's the only thing that will get you to the alter--NOT maintain the marriage... It's helpful to keep the marriage going... But yeah, finances, sanity, sensibility, practicality and all those things are needed to maintain the marriage... Most Black folks can get married, but maintenence issues are a problem... That's why we need culturally-relevant and specific marriage enrichment...