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Damn, and I thought that my parents' 1 AM curfew when I came home from college was rough. Even when I was in high school, my curfew was only 11 on weeknights.
I have been involved with a number of different activities in college and all of them regularly went later than 9 pm. Sorority? Sometimes, if chapter was long it would go for a couple hours and we'd get out around 8:30 or 9 (not to mention the hours-long membership selection meetings, rush parties, officer appointments or initiation). Dance Marathon met once a week at 7:30 and meetings were usually an hour to two hours long. One lit mag meets at 9, the other at 7 but with periodic night-time events that started at 10 or even later on weekends. The political activism group's meetings started anywhere from 7:30 to 9 and would last for a couple hours. Yearbook met at 8 and would last for a while, and we'd pull late-nighters (or sometimes even all-nighters) to meet deadlines. I can't think of any organization that meets during the day -- it's just not practical.
Obviously it's your decision to make, but what you're saying indicates some boundary issues within your family. Why should your mom care if you get sick? You're the one who's getting sick, not her. If you know you get sick from staying out too late, you're the one who should be taking care of yourself -- your mom shouldn't have to look after you when you're 18.
I agree so much with what kddani is saying. You don't need to live with your family just because you're close to them. You can still see them all the time even if you do move out. I am one of those people who had a vastly improved relationship with my family after I moved out -- I am much closer to them now, and that's BECAUSE we have defined some boundaries between us.
If your family loves you, they will always be there -- but if you keep turning down opportunities and avoiding risks just because of family expectations, you'll regret it. I have a number of friends who lived at home their first year of college because of reasons similar to yours, or simply to save money, and not one of them fails to regret it now. Furthermore, the fact that their social lives and opportunities for friendship and just for emotional growth were stunted because of it is apparent to everyone.
I understand that your mom was not trying to be malicious and that your family is close, but the way you describe your interactions is not healthy, and I agree that family counseling may be helpful.
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