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Youre right that there can be no party that completly complies with the entire risk management policy.
You have to pick and choose what's going to be followed and what won't.
The biggest issue in choosing what you accept and what you don't is what our insurance will cover. From everything I've ever heard, the only real true deal breaker, that will either null the coverage, or at least drastically reduce it is common containers (kegs/party balls/jungle juice). Everything else is pretty much non-threatening to the coverage arranged by the GF. Granted, breaking the other rules will make it more difficult to prove your chapter's innocence, but it won't take away your insurance.
The 3 to 1 ratio is actually not really a concrete rule. From our LC, the most common legal precedent is "from the point of view of a reasonable outsider, would this party look like it's being thrown by the fraternity and not just an individual?" It's murky, and very hard to say, what any reasonable outsider would think. I know I've been to primers for formals, where it's just me and maybe 12-15 of my pledge brothers and our dates, and a reasonable outsider would easily conclude this was a party being thrown under the auspices of the Fraternity.
The only thing I guess I can say is that my chapter at Nebraska holds parties every weekend that are chapter events, could only be designated as such, throw the 3 to one ratio out the window, and we still won the Risk Management award at Convention.
Do what you can, avoid hard liquor and kegs, and try to reason with your president.
Good Luck
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