Quote:
Originally posted by valkyrie
You know, I've been thinking about this "average girl" idea. This is really going off on a tangent, but I find it interesting.
What is the "average girl" -- is she someone who reads chick lit, watches Sex and the City, gossips over brunch with her girlfriends at a trendy restaurant, opting for salad instead of what she really wants so she can lose the extra five pounds she gained since college, who works and lives on her own but still hopes to find a man who wears suits and makes enough money to support her so she can stay at home with her babies and SUV stroller and afford a nanny to watch the kids while she goes out to get a manicure?
I'm sort of being facetious, but here's my thought -- if that is the average girl, or if the average girl is someone like her, I don't think that a guy who needs to follow James' advice to be "smooth" or "polished" is going to be (1) happy with her; or (2) the kind of guy she wants, even if he follows the advice given in this thread.
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While I completely agree, it turns out this train of thought is actually irrelevant to the points James is making.
Also, honestly until there is a baseline comfort with dealing with women in social situations, there's no way for the guy to explore what he actually wants, which is a key component of dating just to date (I would argue it's the most important part).
Quote:
Originally posted by valkyrie
Anyway, back to the original point of the post -- are there really guys out there who are so terrified of women? Thinking back, I've known one guy who might qualify -- he was the kind of guy I hung out with for a minute and he'd say stuff like "You're so wonderful" or "You're so beautiful" and follow it with "Why are you hanging out with me?" Yeah, at that point I was like, I don't know homes, see ya, um, never again, hopefully.
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You're mixing your metaphor here - the classic 'friend-guy' or 'nice guy' is more likely to be 'functional' in male/female interactions, but his fear/paralysis kicks in when it's time to move beyond normal social interactions and into the territory he wants to move the relationship into (whether it be sexual, or simply dating). Simply put, he's out with girls, but he's not comfortable putting himself into positions to make the 'kill' - and this is actually surprisingly common among guys.
This may or may not be related to him being a spineless pansy ass, which is who you described in the second - they're not explicitly related, however.