[justamom]

When I was a Freshman in college, I lost my dearest guy friend in the world. I can't tell you how I cried and prayed. To this day when I go back to Kansas, I visit his grave because I love him so.
I lost another close guy friend to a hit-and-run and my very dearest girlfriend to cancer at 34. I've never had anyone commit suicide, but loss is loss. Your brothers may not know how to act-most people who haven't experienced it don't know or understand what you are feeling. Most likely, they are afraid and don't know what to do.

I don't know what your belief system is, but if it involves life after death, use that as your strength. I for one believe life is energy and cannot be destroyed. When someone dies, we are reminded of our own mortality. When a close friend dies we grieve what might have been as much as what was. Let yourself express your sadness (I prefered to do it in private). Don't wonder if there was something you could have done or should have seen. The choice had nothing to do with you as a friend. I heard that it helps to write a letter and say everything your feeling. Some people put it in the casket some burn it and others save it in a special place. I did this for my Grandpa and it helped so much.
I am so sorry you are facing all these sad events. I wish I could help you. You will be in my prayers.
I just read what ralph said and the idea about scrubbing-cleaning etc is excellent. It does help to void our mind, even if it's only for short intervals.