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If you aren't invited by name, then your date is responsible for the gift. I signed my date's name on the card at the last wedding.
As far as giving money as a gift, its all I've ever known to do. I got called a North Jersey Snob at one sister's wedding because myself and another person from North Jersey were the only 2 people who gave money.
I was also always lead to believe you give money in the amount you believe your dinner is worth, typically $50 per person. Naturally, if its black tie you are supposed to give more than an afternoon buffet.
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Just keep swimming
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