[33girl]

Shimmer, sweetie, I am SO sorry you are having to deal with these feelings!! But getting it out is the first step to dealing with it. Well, here are some things I thought of.

-If you are at a school where rush is large and competitive, don't beat yourself up for not waiting a semester. In some schools, that is just not a feasible option.

-How big is your chapter? In large chapters, if you are somewhat shy or reticent, sometimes you do feel like you are getting lost in the shuffle...but that's what your big is for, to guide you through that. She might not realize what is happening, call her and let her know. If you don't have one yet, like Brandi said, things might change after you get your big. If it's a while till you get them, talk to your (insert new member educator term here) and let her know that you are feeling somewhat out of it with the sisterhood.

-Do a lot of the new pledges/sisters live in the same dorm or area of campus? I remember the semester after I initiated, I found out that there had been a party at our house and I wasn't invited. I was LIVID and extremely upset. It turned out that they hadn't meant to blow me off - it was a totally spur of the moment thing and not planned at all. If everyone else is in the same area, and you are on the other side of campus, it's only natural that they will be closer with each other.

I know I didn't really feel like I was 100% in the sorority until I moved into the house the year after I initiated. It is family, it takes time until everyone is tight with each other. There's no such thing as instant sisterhood. One of the women I thought I would never be close to, became one of my best friends once we were both living in the house.

Please talk to your big or pledge mom before you decide to depledge. Who knows, your bringing up some of your doubts may be the catalyst for the whole chapter to change things that need changed. Good luck and let us know how things turn out!