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Originally posted by Hownowbrowncow
We have tried to help her...numerous times. The trouble is at this point she's not willing to admit that she has a problem. She has a small frame to begin with, so there's a lot she can kind of excuse away. We're hoping that once she moves into the house, it will become easier to keep an eye on her behavior and get a better idea of how to handle it.
I want to re-emphasize that my, and the whole chapter's, primary concern is with her health. I wish I didn't have to think about it from a rush standpoint at all, but that's kind of the position I've been placed in. In large part, I wanted to figure out how to handle this in the best way possible as to not make her situation worse.
I really appreciate all the input...I think I'm going to talk to her pledge mom, who knows her better than I do, to get her opinion on things.
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I know you wanted input on what to do during Recruitment, but to me that's the least of my worries. I'm glad you and the rest of your Chapter are trying to help your sister. It's none of my business, but what exactly have you done to help her?
As an advisor I've unfortunately dealt with this situation more times than I care to recall. There is no right way to do it, but there are several things that can be tried. No matter what you all do, it may won't matter until she is ready to face her problems herself. But that doesn't mean you should stop trying to get through to her.
First and foremost, contact your University's health center and speak to someone who specializes in eating disorders. Sadly it is such a prevalent problem now days that I would be shocked if any University did not have someone on staff who is trained in this area. If for some bizarre reason they didn't, I'm sure they would know of some health care people in the area that could help.
Our University has a "crisis committee". It's made up of various admin and staff that have been trained to deal with a variety of student problems including: eating disorders, alcohol/substance abuse, domestic abuse, and a variety of other psychological disorders. They have protocols and health care contacts already in place to aid students in trouble.
As already suggested, perhaps a speaker could be brought in to discuss this with the entire Chapter. Perhaps she (or anyone else suffering that you don't know about) might be reached and then be willing to seek out help on her own. Not likely, but there's always that possiblity.
Has anyone talked to her directly about the problem? We have asked close friends or big sisters to approach a member in as positive and non-threatening manner as possible. The key though is that those friends need to be prepared ahead of time to know what to say and what not to. Guidance in this can usually come from those folks mentioned above.
Someone needs to contact her parents to make sure they are aware of the situation. In the past we (the sorority) were not allowed to do this because of the Buckley Ammendment that basically said that anyone over 18 was an adult and contacting their parents would be a violation of their privacy. However according to a presentation given by Peter Lake (an attorney who specializes in legal issues facing Universities and Greeks), recent court rulings have changed things. The legal standard is now "What would a resonable person do?" In this case, a reasonable person would inform a student's parents. It could even be argued that if parents are not informed about a known health situation/crisis that there would be cause for a liablity action.
However, talking to Mom or Dad doesn't always help either. We once had a situation where Mom suffered from the same problem. Her daughter had collapsed and was taken to the ER. Mom refused to accept that her daughter had a problem and instead insisted it was the flu. Dad was just as detached about the whole thing. So sad.
I hate to use this route, but we have in the past when other things have failed. Our standards code is written so that we have the authority to require a member to attend councelling whether it be for situations like this or others that are detrimental to a member. We've only done this twice in my memory, once for alcohol abuse and the other for the above situation. It didn't work in the first instance and the member turned in her pin. But it did with the second. The member came back later and thanked us for requiring her to seek councelling. At first she didn't want to go and only went because we made her. She said by about the 3rd or 4th session things started to "click" and she admitted to herself she had a problem. She started dealing with her problem and wanted to get her Mom help as well.
Something else and I hate to say this because it sounds so harsh and uncaring, but as an advisor it is my responsibility to look after the well being of the entire Chapter in addition to the individual members. You mentioned you are all looking forward to her moving into the house so that you can "keep an eye on her behavior and get a better idea of how to handle it." This might not be a good idea and I was actually told by our org's Grand President (who conferred with a lawyer) that we should not knowingly allow a member with an eating disorder to move into our house.
I'm sure some folks will think not only is that cold, but possibly discriminatory. However, there's a major risk management/legal liability issue here. In our particular case the member in question suffered from bulemia. Her purging placed all the other members and cleaning staff in jeopordy for health risks. Plus, if God forbid she collapsed in her room, nobody found her and she died, we could be held liable because we knew she was at risk. It's a double edged sword, you have to help the sister with problems while at the same time protect the rest of the Chapter.
I guarantee you are not alone in dealing with this problem. I strongly urge you or your President to contact your Advisor and/or nat'l officer to find out how to proceed. In addition, contact your University health care facility. This girl needs help and as her sisters, you must do everything in your power to get her that help. She may not want to do it, but then again she may be so touched by your concern that she's now ready to face it. I pray this is the case.