Quote:
Originally posted by valkyrie
I'm not saying that this isn't true, but on the other side, when you're at work and you're on the phone dealing with your puking kid or you're not at work because your kid is sick and you couldn't take her to daycare or find a sitter, there's a good chance the people picking up the slack are people without kids. That's stressful too, because frankly I don't want to be covering for someone who is dealing with a sick kid, because nobody at work is going to cover for me if my cat is sick or if I have some other reason I want to ditch out of work early that's not related to a child.
This isn't an issue that really bothers me, by the way, but I just want to point out that it exists.
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That may be true in some circumstances, but in my workplace, we all have the same number of days off per year whether we're parents or not. Me and the other network guy each get 6 weeks off a year. While I end up taking mine in little increments, a couple hours here, a couple there, a day here, a day there, he gets to go on two week vacations at a time. Most of what I do can wait a few hours, or a day, so it's there waiting for me when I get back. Most things can't wait 2 weeks! I cover for him for very long periods of time sometimes! I live for the day that my kids can stay home alone on half days, sick days, snow days, etc. so that I can take REAL vacations and not piddle it away. Two weeks off straight.. that seems like such a luxury to me right now!
There is a genuine conflict between work responsibilities and child responsibilities and all responsible working mothers feel that intense conflict and guilt. It's a different kind of stress, because it's guilt and we internalize it.
I love that women have choices. I respect whatever the woman chooses to do. I have co-workers who pull the "single mom" card often. It irks me to no end! I am also irked by SAHMs who can't volunteer for things because "I have two kids". Well, I have two kids, I work 40 hours a week, I don't have a husband to do the yard work or take out the garbage, I am a Cub Scout Leader, I volunteer for AGD, go to alumnae club meetings, and I go on as many of my kids' field trips as possible. I shuttle my kids to their activities. My house is clean. I do the majority of my own repairs at home. I still have time to post on Greek Chat. It's all about time management. You can do what you really want to do.
I'm sure most know by now that I'm not the most pro-marriage person on this board (ok... that's a HUGE understatement). I am far less stressed out now than I was when I was married. Then, I not only did all of the above, but I also had a full grown adult who was selfish and the biggest slob in the world. He didn't do a darn thing around the house except make huge messes and break things worse when he tried to fix them. Not dealing with this other person who was a total drain on me both physically and emotionally is MUCH easier.
I love the idea of both genders taking home ec classes. I also think both genders should take shop though. I learned how to use a lot of power tools in OT school because they taught us how to make our own adaptive equipment and it has saved me thousands in home repairs because I can do so much myself. It also helps when you have to make Pinewood Derby cars. I think basic car repair classes for both genders would be great too.
I also become concerned about women who are completely financially dependently on their husbands. I know too many who have been left in really awful situations with no jobs and no money due to divorce or the injury or death of a spouse. It makes it nearly impossible for a woman to leave if she is abused or cheated on. It gives all the power in a relationship to the man. I don't see a reason to put yourself in that position. Taking care of yourself should always be your first concern and that includes both financially and emotionally.
Ok, so this has become a mini-book. I knew it would, once I finally responded to this thread.
Most importantly: Women who are basing their self worth on having a husband are at highest risk for abuse and for "settling" for someone. The goal shouldn't be "to get married". The goal should be to find a good partner for life. It is too often confused and women need to know that it is ok to NOT be married. It doesn't mean that they are a failure in life. It simply means they didn't make bad choices and are waiting for the good one to come along. If they never meet him, then they are still good people.
And, those are things that it took me two marriages and 40 years of life experiences and observations to learn.
Dee