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Originally posted by G8Ralphaxi
LOL. Great post.
When I was in college, we had a guy friend I knew from high school who we called "Pet Rock" behind his back. He was pretty, but also pretty useless. He was in our bio class and would come by before exams to "study." We'd let him hold flash cards and make copies. Sometimes we'd bring him with us to parties. 
I'm sure there's some Pet Rock Boys in your dorm. Find a pretty one and feed him every now and then. He probably (hopefully) won't die at the end of the semester and then he'll go home to his mom and she will feed him.
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ROTFL, I'm mad I actually know a guy that would work on...