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I usually refer back to this one when work gets tough...

Be a Leader in the Midst of Conflict

The task of a leader, whether as a manager of professionals, a
leader of volunteers, or any other leadership role, requires a
commitment to stay with the course regardless of the frustrations
that may come. Never is this so true as when you try to help your
group manage conflict constructively.

Success in leadership comes not from your ability to manage when
things are going well, but from the way you handle adversity and
the challenge brought to your leadership skills by conflict. As a
leader, it is your responsibility to move members past the
conflicts that would tear them apart, toward a unity of spirit as
they pursue worthy goals.

How to help your group manage conflict:

* Point those in conflict toward common goals. Identify a
common goal that will overshadow the opposing interests of
those in conflict and will make them willing to work together
toward this goal. Keep in mind what you have in common, not
what you disagree about.

* Use problem solving. This is characterized by an open and
trusting exchange of viewpoints. The group recognized that it
can disagree with someone and still be able to work with them
or remain friends. Everyone should be asked to give as much
relevant information as they have. List the facts and ask for
clarification, particularly of opposing ideas. Then encourage
the group to search for new information that might shed light
on the subject. Create alternative solutions. Don't assume
that your first solution is the best. A high-quality solution
is one that best fits the common goals of the group.

* Focus on the issues, not personalities. It's important to
keep your focus on helping people feel accepted and valued
even when others criticize their ideas. Don't allow
name-calling or placing blame. This leads to defensiveness -
and to a more rigid position and poor communication. People
in conflict usually are unable, at least for the moment, to
cooperate on any issue, and simply telling them to cooperate
is not particularly helpful.

* Keep everyone informed about what is happening. The more
information that is shared and the more that people are
informed, the less threatening the experience. Servant
leadership is characterized by openness, by an ability to
listen, and by engaging people directly in the issues.

* Share rewards for success; share responsibility for failure.
At the heart of the learning organization is the ability to
evaluate what has happened and learn from it. Analyze your
experiences, examine them, reflect on them, and struggle to
understand them. Remember that it is acceptable to make
mistakes as long as you make them in good conscience while
doing the best you can.

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Shirley Schooley is an author, speaker, teacher,
college professor, mother, and pastor's wife. She
holds a doctorate in business education from Oklahoma
State University, and is currently associated with a
consulting group in Birmingham, Ala. She leads
seminars in communications, leadership, and team
building.

From Conflict Management by Shirley Schooley.
Copyright (c) 1994 by New Hope, Birmingham, Ala. Used
by permission.