Quote:
Originally posted by AlphaGamDiva
"you're my child, i don't care how old you get, you're my child.......you don't respect our beliefs.......you don't care you stress us out....you don't think about us......selfish.......we don't hate you, we're worried that you'll end up pregnant or dead"
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1. You can respect their beliefs and not agree with them. You can agree with their beliefs but choose to behave differently.
2. YOU aren't stressing them out over this....they are CHOOSING to be stressed out. If you were pregnant and unmarried, THAT would be stressing them out. Right now, they are CHOOSING their reaction to this.
3. "We don't hate you..." Dude, next time they said that, I would tell them "The way you are reacting to this and the way you are treating me sends me the message that you do hate me right now. If you truly don't hate me over this, then let's agree to take 24 more hours to feel hurt, upset, disappointed, etc. over this incident, then let's choose to MOVE ON by not bringing it up again or by not worrying about it again. That aspect of my life is not up for discussion anymore unless I APPROACH YOU for guidance. Details will not be shared in so that you won't have an opportunity to be "stressed out" anymore." Give 'em the 24 hours, then hold them to the agreement (if they agree) and refuse to discuss it further.
I wish you the best with this. You are in somewhat of a tight spot (living with the family in order to get school paid for)...at some point you may have to reevaluate whether or not that's really the best arrangement. In any case, don't let them keep pulling you into discussion/arguments/guilt trips over this. Once it's all been discussed, it's all been discussed and doesn't need to be rehashed.
And prove to them that you are a respectful, honorable women by NOT SHARING DETAILS (or additional info)!!! (They won't think you're honorable b/c you had sex, but if they ask, you can point out that an honorable woman doesn't share these details when asked. If you know what their beliefs are, use a little reverse psychology on them!!!
(Another aside...my grandmother is Southern Baptist and those people in her church do nothing but GOSSIP about each other!!!! One reason I defected....
PsychTau