[sageofages]

First I need to express how completely overwhelmed and humbled by the outpouring of love I have received over the 5 darkest days of my life.

I am home to sleep for the first time since Monday night in "our bed".

Jon is still alive...I believe greatly due the prayers and love of all who have sent it to us. He is hanging by the thinnest thread and really fighting.

After I had Adrienne update my Phi Mu sisters via email.

Things became even worse. I see Adrienne mentioned the ARDS starting. At 2:07 am on Thursday, I thought my world was ending. I got a phone call that Jon had degraded and was being placed on a ventilator. Thursday morning around 6:00 am he was taken back to the Cath lab to attempt to figure out *why* the ARDS was developing. The initial thought was he had a valve go bad as well. During the next 3 hours, the "dream team" of Iowa Heart Center saw my husband. 5 Cardiologist, 3 pulmonary drs, 2 infectious disease drs, radiologist and internal medicine. They could NOT find a reason for this happening. His heart is performing very well. (They also stented the 3rd of the 4 blockages...4th will be done when he is stronger...god willing)

The only explanation that seemed plausible was aspiration pneumonia. Jon had projectiled vomited on the cath lab table during the first procedure and as one dr said to me "he must have inhaled in clear to the bottom of his lungs". Antibodics were started Thursday AM at this time as well.

If on the scale of life, perfect health is a 100 and death is a zero...my husband was sitting at .5 ...(that is one-half of one) on Thursday. I asked the doctor "Am I going to lose my husband" The doctors told me "there was a greater chance he is going die than there is a chance he is going to live". The doctors told me it was time to bring our children up to to the hospital say good bye to their father (they hadn't been there because he didn't want them to see him as sick as he was up to that point). I called my father-in-law and sister-in-law in San Diego to tell them "if you are going to come, you need to get on a plane right *now*." (They flew out about 4 hours later).

Thursday night, he had his "crisis". Even intubated and on a ventilator, he was degrading. He was sedated, but at that time it was decided to put him in a paralytic state. I can not describe the desperation I felt. I could not leave his side...I could not breathe even. I leaned into his ear and said "Joni, if you are standing somewhere where you have to choose between the light and me....please please please, choose me and our family." At that point, all was being done that could be done. It was up to God and Jon.

Friday morning, there was a tinsy infinitesimal (did I spell that right) IMPROVEMENT!!!!! Through out the day there was more little little movements in the direction toward me and our family. I was able to greet my father-in-law and sister-in-law when they arrived with this news.

This morning the respiratory therapist told me, that on Thursday morning listening to his lungs was like putting the stethescope up to a brick wall, today there were actually sounds...really bad sounds, but sounds nonetheless. He is still heavily sedated, and being ventilated. His lungs are clearing SLOWLY. He is still in extremely critical condition. It is like having only the toes on one foot out of the woods but ...at least they are out of the woods. Today even the most discouraging of his drs said "improvement" for the very first time.

PLEASE continue to pray for us. He can backslide...and right now every emotion I could feel I do.

My GC friends, your prayers are helping...thank you from all that I am.

I will post more later...I am exhausted and I really need to regain some strength.