[BetteDavisEyes]

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

This one happened to me thanks to my obnoxious cousin who is notorious for pulling shit like this on family and I was stupid enough to fall for it. I'm talking on the phone to my friend when he comes up to me & asks me if I could help him get some stuff from the closet. I'm still on the phone & ask him what he needs when he pushed me & shut the door & held it from his side. I'm wondering why the hell he has me trapped in a closet when I start smelling his gas. I started screaming hysterically for him to let me out while he laughed like a maniac. I must have started to choke b/c my poor friend didn't know if I'm being murdered & she should call 911 or what. He only let me out b/c his mom walked in & realized I was dying in there. When she let me out, my mascara was streaming down my face & my nose was running.

One of my more prouder moments occurred when I used to work at MACY's years ago. I hated cleaning the dressing rooms b/c the women always left them a mess. During the holiday rush, I would purposely drink milk (I'm lactose intolerant & dairy gives me the worst gas ever) & then I'd pretend to go clean things up & fart while there. In no time, women would be running out of my fitting room where I'd continue farting to make sure any women about to go in would turn right around & go to the Juniors department.