Help me please
 

I am having a really hard time. I am a senior, I graduate in May. I know I am not perfect but lately I have been having a hard time even coming around the chapter house because some people make me so uncomfortable. I feel like I am not welcome in my own home. I know most of it is made up in my mind. Ever since I became an AGD I have wanted nothing more than the share all my stories with my sisters and how I feel. We have always been so close. Some things happened with two sisters and ever since then I have lost my candle.. I feel like my spirit has been blown out. I came back to school with more zeal and love for alpha gam (thanks a lot to most of you!) and now I have stayed at my boyfriend's house every night because I cannot bear to be in my room at the chapter house. I know that everyone has their agd ups and downs. I am just really not happy to be here right now. It make life really hard when you are having a terrible week and you don't go to your sisters for help. I know that it isn't everyone in the chapter that is making me feel this way, I really do know that everyone cares and is there for me if I need them... I just feel like I have this pit in my stomach everytime I walk in the door and I feel like I am on eggshells the entire time. I would like to say I could sit down and talk to these two sisters about everything, but alas I can't. I tried to and all that happened is they put me down and started calling me names. I can't do that, I cannot call my sister a name and say things about them that I do not mean. SO I know I cannot talk to them. The worst part is now an advisor is doing things too. I get emails about my incompetency or about how rude I am. I am not trying to be rude in any way or manner I just want to detach for awhile. Please help! Your kinds words have gotten my through so much and I need them more now than ever! Loyally, Sarah

Sarah,
My heart is aching for you as I read this. You seem like such a sensitive girl, and I think I see a lot of myself in you. Its okay to detach yourself once in a while...you have a life outside of Alpha Gamma Delta and its okay to live it. But you shouldn't feel as if the chapter house is not your home. It belongs to you as much as everyone else. I know it can be tough to stay there, but I think it would be good for you if you did. Force yourself to get back into the loop. Your sisters will rally around you when you're having that bad day, but you have to let them in so they can support you!

I know that this probably sounds goofy, but have you thought about going to mediation? There are certified mediators all over the country, and I bet you could find one on campus. I've mediated several times myself. Basically, mediation is a way that all the parties involved can get issues off their chest. The mediator is there to set the ground rules and make sure that the session doesn't turn into a free-for-all or have one party bully the other. It can be really constructive, and I've seen how much good it can do. I urge you to think about it.

I've been through those tough AGD times myself. And although this advice may not seem helpful now, it will be the wisest piece of advice I can give you: Don't miss the forest for the trees! You're focusing on what one or two "trees" are doing and you're missing all the wonderful "trees" that care about you so much! Continue to focus on the good, and the bad will eventually take care of itself. I know that seems impossible to you right now, but trust me: Im your sister, too, and I'm telling you: things are going to be all right!

I realize that all of us GC Alpha Gams are from all over the country and most of us have never met. But we all took the same vows on Initiation Day, and we share a bond that I cannot fully express because words fail me. But rest assured that WE LOVE YOU and we are here for you. It may only be through the computer, but my loyalty to you is as strong as it would be for any of my chapter sisters. That is what Epsilon Pi is all about. It's easy to be a sister when times are good, but the true measure of a sister is who is around you when times are bad. Let our little chapter take care of you! You can count on us.

PM me if you need to talk about anything, day or night.

LIEP, Maria

Wow Sarah, I really feel for you! I've actually seen similar situations in my own chapter (some for the same reasons, some not). I think Seniors in general have a really hard time adjusting to changes that occur in their chapter. I know my chapter has changed alot over the past few years and many of girls have a hard time changing with it. I don't know exactly what your situations is, but I can almost guarantee you that if you feel so strongly about this, that there are probably others that are "in the same boat."
Have you discussed this with anyone in your own chapter that you trust? Maybe someone else has dealt with the same situation and has overcome their feelings of discomfort...they may be able to provide some insight.
There is something I'm confused about...were you also involved with what happened between two sisters, or are you just uncomfortable about whatever happened? When people have made me uncomfortable with their decisions (this happens quite often due to my stance on many issues), I have just had to learn that not everyone thinks like me. Let me tell ya, it sounds like an elementary concept, but it's actually something that everyone finds difficulty accepting.
I've just recently had difficulty with someone concerning my office, and this person was/is causing me alot of problems. It was affecting my relationship with the girl. A sister gave me great advise- she simply told me to separate the two issues- my office and my friendship with the person.
I don't know if any of this helps, but I just wanted to let you know that others may feel (or felt in the past) the same as you. It's natural, but I hope it won't affect your relationship among all of your sisters. Your president is suppose to be impartial, maybe you could talk to her. Good luck and if you need anything, just say the word.

I know exactly how you feel. My best friend from high school joined Alpha Gam the same time as me. We were pledge sisters. To not go into the whole story...we had a disagreement. I was willing to forgive and forget and she was not. She started to make sisters choose between us. There were days I cried and days I felt so left out, but I took the good with the bad. I became close to a lot of other sisters I might not have otherwise. When we were all in the chapter room it was hard...but I put on a smile and treated her no differently than the other sisters...no matter how she treated me back. Eventually, she turned around. We had a long talk, and things became more normal. We'll never have the relationship we had before college, but we are sisters and friends and we have even stayed in touch after graduation. Things have a way of working themselves out. Your sisters will always be your sisters...just put at that amazing Alpha Gam smile and go on with life. Don't let things get you down. Act as if nothing is wrong...and people will relaize that you want to end this, so maybe they should too. Everyone will feel better in th long run for you making the first step. And it was said above, but I'll say it again...we are ALL your sisters. No matter where we are or what chapter we are from...