Not a big fan of PNM who is a friend of a brother
 

Two of the brothers in my chapter have a good friend who just transfered to my school this semester. I've hung out with him for a bit and kind of didn't really have an opinion of him either way...until last night when he was telling me how our parties suck, the girls there aren't good looking and that when he came to school here, he had the impression that our parties would be wild blowouts, and that he can make the parties better. Basically, this completely turned me off from him, because he basically trashed the chapter, even though he hasn't even been offered a bid yet. I think its a shame that even though they are plenty of good PNM's, he will get a bid in place of one that is much more deserving. Anyone that has been in a similar situation, give me some advice here.

He sounds like a tool, just don't vote him in! Obviously I'm not in a fraternity but I've known a lot of my guy friends who voted out friends of friends during rush because they didn't like them. I'm sure there'll be a time when you can bring up your concerns...I'm sure anybody with pride in your fraternity would vote to cut him.

Two things. First, preventing a guy getting a bid-

When I was an active, our rush process was very open- no secret votes etc. It did not take many guys to deny someone a bid, but if an active wanted to vote down on someone that others liked/were friends with, that active was expected to discuss it first with the other actives who were supporting the PNM.

Then, if that active still wanted to deny the PNM a bid, he had to come into the voting session with very clear and specific reasons. But more often than not, the disagreeing actives would settle their difference before the voting session and then all vote the same way when the time came.

Point being, we did not like surprises- and if someone did not like a popular PNM, then they had better have very good reasons to convince others to join him in voting down on extending a bid.

Second, this PNM in particular-

Why do you think he made those comments? Does he have much experience with fraternity life or did he come into the process expecting what he has seen in movies or on TV? Was he comparing your chapter with others or was he expressing general disappointment with the party scene? I think it is important to figure out if he was truly meaning to trash your chapter or if he just needs a realignment of his expectations of how Greek life works.

If this guy thinks your chapter sucks as compared with other chapters where he has partied and got what he was expecting- then he just needs to pledge one of those other places.

If this guy cannot get into one of those other places, and has decided instead to join your chapter and try to make changes- how do you think the rest of the chapter would feel about that? Do most of you like things as they are or could this guy be of a mindset that is reflective of his friends in the chapter and others?

If this guy is otherwise okay and just spoke foolishly, then do you have any real objection to him?

Taking into account the above questions, I would approach the situation as follows,

1. Talk to the two friends of this PNM who want to give him a bid. Tell them what happened and ask them what they think. If this PNM was willing to make this statement to you- a new acquaintance, then surely his two friends have heard the PNMs opinions too (and they might not match what you heard.)

2. If the two friends of the PNM can assure you that the PNM did not mean to insult the chapter, then I would say go with the flow if you have no other reason to dislike the guy. And maybe they will change their minds if you are giving them new information they did not have before.

3. If the two friends of the PNM and you cannot agree, I would talk to a couple of other guys who have met this PNM and see what they think of him. If he really was intentionally trash talking the chapter- then it is a very good bet you are not the only one who heard him make such comments.

Anyhow- hope this helps. In the grand scheme of things, I do not personally think this one incident is worthy of a down vote until you have a firmer grip on whether he deliberately meant to trash the chapter or until you find out he has made these comments repeatedly to others. But that's just me- and I wasn't there. Hopefully the above will be a helpful approach for you.