TCM's rush/semester thoughts
 

Hi, this is going to be a hell of a first post, but I felt it was important enough that I share my thoughts.

I'm a rising second year at UVA, and we do rush in the spring semester. I did rush at the beginning of the semester, but some might say I had a bad experience. I really went into rush not knowing much or what exactly I wanted out of it. The thought of being greek didn't really cross my mind until late my fall semester when I realized all the benefits of pledging a fraternity. I was at a disadvantage during rush, as I didn't even know where to begin where to rush. I followed my logic, my dad is at an alum at UVA and an active alum of a fraternity here, so I figured that would be the obvious choice to begin rushing. He even wrote the president telling that I was a student here and will probably be rushing, much to my discovery only a few weeks before spring semester began. While also important, one of cousins is an active brother, my uncle and one of my cousins in an alumi of this fraternity as well. Additionally, another fraternity here seemed like another obvious choice because many people from my hometown pledge there. Strong connections from the hometown can't hurt right?

Through this I had my top two. As you may have assumed already, neither of these choices worked out for me. The other fraternity with people from my hometown cut close to final hours was simply because the senior members didn't know me that well. I accepted this, as it takes a whole house to give you a bid. However, the fact that my dad's fraternity cut me after the very first round surprised and concerned me to say the least. I had met a substantial number of the brothers, some of which I really got to know well. Also, with my alumni support, especially from my father, it confused me why they made this decision. Also, much to my dismay, last week I was asked to leave one of their parties for an unspecified reason. To my knowlege, I did absolutely nothing to warrent this kind of action at this party or even during rush; the possiblilty that I got blackballed is highly unlikely. No dancing with potential girlfriends/current one's of brothers, no breaking of items in the house, and no hate of any kind toward the actives. I really wanted to like these guys, I met some really fine gentlemen with my experience. Its a shame it was cut so short, and also apparently not welcome at their open social events.

From inside the greek community, is this a behavior that happens frequently? Does any of this make sense? Everyone who is on my side in the greek system can't make much sense of my situation. What are your thoughts? Should I give rush, my dad's fraternity in particular, another shot?

Maybe your dad is TOO active of an alum?

That is, maybe he's sticking his nose too much in the day to day doings of the active chapter, trying to get the chapter to do things his way etc. So the last thing they want is for him to be "helicoptering" while his son is pledging.

Please don't take this as a diss on you or your dad - it's not - just throwing out what might be the chapter's perspective. Obviously I could be dead wrong.

http://www.virginia.edu/ofsl/ifc.html omg dude they have 31 fraternities.....

That doesn't help you, but I found it interesting.

33girl: My dad to my knowledge only donates a fair sum of money to his chapter, which is the chapter thats been giving me trouble, and attends alumni events. Needless to say, he wasn't too impressed with how they treated me so his activity may drop.

Senusret I: 31 fraternities and I choose a few bad eggs. Really regret not branching out more during rush (we can rush as many as we want). There's a lot of good people in the greek system here.

Any enemies? One person that you rubbed wrong? Someone that knew you/disliked you in H.S.?

One brother is all it takes.

It's possible someone believes you did something offensive. Gossip can be a killer. Unless you have friends that are privy to the reason you may never know. Hook up with or hit on any of their ex-girlfriends?

This is truly a tough one and will most likely go unanswered for you. Most importantly, you have to rise above it all in any way you can.

I can't speak for fraternities, but with my knowledge of sororities times have surely changed. There was once respect for a legacy and especially one that was a daughter of an extremely active alum. This is no longer the case. I know of numerous cases where young women were cut for the most ridiculous of reasons both of whom were legacies and of course, those that were not. I am embarrassed to even list some of the reasons. This happens in many sororities across the board.

Greek Life is wonderful, but it is not perfect. There are so many lessons of life learned by experiencing this process. Take what you can from it and grow.

If I were you, I would not look for an answer as to why, but walk away knowing you are a bigger and better man. It is their loss. You will get past this with time, but I am sad for your father. In my eyes, it must deeply hurt him.

All the best to you.

It sounds like there are a lot of opportunities other than SAE at your school. If these guys have been SO unwelcoming to you, and even went as far as asking you to leave an open party, would you even want to be a part of this chapter? Sounds like you should give rush another shot but should open your eyes to other possibilities.

banitone: Obviously I have at least one brother who is either not fond of me or has heard some bad things. Gossip is a bitch, but to my knowlege I have done absolutely nothing to any active in that chapter. What sucks is I would just prefer the hater to confront me instead of telling his pledges, whom I am actually acquaintances of, to throw me out. If this would happen I would happily move on.

Baci: Yeah my dad seemed pretty upset, more so at himself than at me of course. He wanted to write the president of the chapter and the alumni sponsor of the chapter, expressing his extreme disagreement and disgust with the chapter's decision, but I told him not to do so. It wasn't worth getting the entire chapter in trouble cause of one guy.

TrojanWoman: Yeah I'm starting to realise I shouldn't be worrying about getting a bid there if they are going to unnecessarily throw me out. I want to give these guys the benefit of the doubt because of my family. As I said I met many guys I like there, but it sucks that the opinion of one can ruin your chances. There are many opportunities for going greek at my school and I seriously regret not taking advantage of all of them.

TCM-This is rather open board and your use of some words here could cause you some more problems with the Greek system at your school.

Your father sounds a great deal like mine; a old friend and classmate of his
did something to me in the business world and Dad just about wanted to string him up. He did cool down a little bit but cut off all relationships with friend. In this case, it would seem what he did end up dong was the best thing. As I have seen and heard other reports that just being a legacy does not do much for you anymore and can in some ways/eyes hurt you.

While I can not speak for my Brothers at your school, it seems as if something went wrong. And it may not have even been you. There could have been some problem or mis-communication within the house.
One of those things one just will most likely never know.
Similar thing happened during a regular party at my chapter house; a new, hot shot Brother gave the bum's rush to someone without asking anyone. Well, the house could have be bombed that night. The "intruder" was a Brother who just flew into the nearby Air Force base in his fighter/bomber jet. We did get matters worked out, and a few of us got a nice ride out of it.
And it could have been even worse-for the jr Brother-there is another base next door as well: Fort Lewis, Home of the Rangers.

I did get lost on something you wrote: How does one re-rush??? I know I missed something, just not sure what.
And with all these friends and family members having been in the Greek world and, I would hope, some sort of information from School/IFC, just how did you not not know how to go through Rush?

If I were your Dad, I would hit them where it hurts-the wallet. If he is a faithful alumni donor, send the check to Nationals instead of the chapter.

Is your cousin an active member of that chapter?

RaggedyAnn-While I am sure National would like that, that is close to a knee-jerk reaction. As would have the letters that he did not send.
And it does not help TCM in his current efforts.

jon1856: Thanks for the warning, I'll be sure to use kinder and less destabilizing words. I mean no harm to anyone, and for my sake having an open mind with this situation will only help.
Yes, we can rush as much as we want. For second years (sophomores), we have the option of rushing informally in the fall or formally in the spring. I'll probably rush in the spring because its a better opportunity to get to know the brothers. Yes, with all my friends and family in the greek system I was kind of exposed to how to rush when I asked them, but I didn't express much interest until after my first semester. I mean, their best advice was to relax and be yourself. What I missed with these conversations with friends and family is to try and meet as many guys in the house as you can, which kind of hurt me at another fraternity. A problem I ecountered is that since we do a deferred rush in the spring, most places have a sizable number of their pledge class picked out, and many places do lots of dirty rushing. I realised this a bit too late and didn't take advantage of the fact I had these connections in the greek system first semester.

And I mean no harm to your brothers, the ones I know well at the chapter here are great guys and would enjoy nothing more than receiving a bid from them. I want to be involved in greek life, but I would only pledge somehwere I will be happy at, not just to join a fraternity.

RaggedyAnn: He's an active at another school, and my cousin thats an alumni is his (biological) brother who graduated from the same school. I did not ask either to write me recommendations, but if things at this chapter improve their input may help.

KSUViolet06: Yes you are right, if I don't sort this out/firgure out what I did wrong I will not show back up for rush. I am under the current belief that I have done nothing wrong, and since no one has produced any reason (This is the first time this has happened) for why I am being removed from parties, I remain worried that they got the wrong impression. I talked with some pledges, the ones that threw me out, and they had the slightest idea why they were doing it, they were just being good pledges. One actually listened to my story and was very apologetic and shocked he was throwing me out.