gossip
 

AHHHHHH. Saturday night, at a party, I was talking to this guy in XYZ, who I used to like. At some point he makes some comment about how I'm a "ABC groupie." I do spend a lot of time with the guys in both houses, because they include my closest guy friends. Except the two houses don't get along at all, so I don't talk about it very often. Anyways, so I make a comment about how I spend more time with his guys, but he was on a roll. He then launches into this whole spiel about how I'm notorious as the "ABC tease." Apparently, because I'm friendly, and fun, and like hanging out with them, I should be dating them too. According to this guy "they all think they're going to get in your pants, but you never put out. You're the biggest tease in the school." Hearing this pissed me off SO much. Yeah, I flirt. I'm outgoing and like joking around, and tend to hang out with guys...and that constitutes flirting. So if I'm friendly, and don't hook up with the guys, I'm a tease. And if I DID hook up with the guys, I'd be a whore. Has anyone else noticed that sometimes YOU JUST CAN'T WIN?? I’m kinda hurt, because I’m friends with every guy in ABC, and to find out they talk about me like this is kind harsh. And it annoying, because I try to be so careful, and not earn a bad reputation. I guess I'd rather be known as a tease that a whore...but at the same time, when a guy who you likes tells you he never pursued you because everyone said you were just a tease....AAAHHHHHHH. Has anyone else had a problem like this, or have any advice?

Sorry about the length, I needed to VENT!!

Honey I've been there and it sucks. My first semester of college too! The first semester of college sucked anyway and then ABC fraternity was just trouble. i always go after guys I can't have. I ended up confronting one brother and said I heard you guys think I'm a slut. He said only a few brothers do, but I think you're cool. A few months later I end up dating the pres of their fraternity, but when we were dating he always told me" It doesn't matter what anyone thinks" So even though they acted like they liked me I think they were calling me a slut and once the semsester was over he was able to break up with me. Everyone knows the story of my email breakup. SO I am not looking forward to seeing any ABC guys this yr.

Sunny,
Personally I worry if what you're getting at is a related to a crisis I had a few months ago. The question is: Can men and women really be friends? I used to think that we could and had lots of guy friends who I loved to hang out with. However, eventually it always seemed that they would come on to me or something would be revealed or happen to ruin that friendship. This isn't a small patterns either - were talking 6 out of 6. I'm starting to think that guys only hang out with girls they are attracted to and are always trying to get somewhere (no matter what they say to the contrary!) The worst part of this is now I'm much more dis-trustful of my boyfriend with regards to his female friends.

I would love to hear some male input on this.

Sure I guess it’s possible if each of you enjoy a lot of frustration in your life. I have two stories related to this. One time I had this “girlfriend” who basically did a lot for me: helping me clean up my room, taking me out to lunch all the time, buying me stuff etc. now the problem was I was to naive to realize what was going on basically its like I got suckered into a relationship. It was really weird and it took me way to long to figure out what was going on, until she sabotaged two of my relationships. That was pretty much the wake up call and I had to do a freeze out, to get her out of my life. The other involves me perusing a girl who already had a boyfriend. I did the standard were friends so it’s ok for us to talk on the phone and hang out all the time. It was to the point where she would always complain to me about him and of course I would always take her side. Eventually I got my opening with the “I wish he was more like you…” Now this probably makes me a total jerk and its true I probably am but that’s life. So if two single people of the opposite sex are friends it’s not big deal but if your girlfriend/boyfriend has those friends who are way to touchy feely/needy that’s a huge warning sign. Whenever im friends with a girl who’s already committed its like im on deck just waiting for my turn. Now this in no way represents men’s feelings on friendship, just my own personal ones.

As far as the gossip situation goes who cares if they think you’re a tease, its better then being known as a slut. If anything at least the reputation will automatically filter out any guys that are looking for the sure thing. Gossip sucks but that’s just what it is gossip, I hear something everyday and its process to separate the truth from the crap but that’s just the way it goes

/modify: Silly typos

[This message has been edited by Kevlar281 (edited August 14, 2001).]

Hmm...I think you meant "persuing" but the typo gives it a whole new meaning!

Okay, I am about to tell you something that you don't want to hear. Are you SURE that you are just being friendly?

Different people have different comfort levels, but I will try to give some examples. Do you sit on your "friends'" laps? Do you kiss them hello? Is sex a common topic of discussion, and do you often use innuendo?

It has been my experience that most girls who complain about this ("All my guy friends are just trying to sleep with me") are giving the guys a reason to talk about them.

I am not saying that you are guilty of this, I am just saying maybe you should stop and take a good look.

what an awful situation. dealing with stuff like this from guys is just part of being a girl, i guess. you can't get away from it.

think about it... if you WERE hooking up with those ABC guys, they'd DEFINITELY be talking about that behind your back. you really can't win.

if they consider you a tease, so be it. you know how you're acting. if you're really not flirting outlandishly and sitting on laps, then you KNOW you're not doing anything wrong.

Thanks for the correction http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

As a guy, I can tell ya - sorry to hear this, and it sucks, but it happens. Probably, the guys in the 2nd house are a little jealous, and also get a bit of a rise out of ya, and that leads to this even being an issue. But honestly - if the guys in the first house don't make it an issue, I wouldn't let it bother you. Guys and girls can be friends - but a lot of times, friendship is born out of physical attraction, so i guess it's important to keep that in mind.

I wouldn't let it bother you - the rumor mill lets stuff get exaggerated at times, and if the guys in the two houses are rivals, well it only exacerbates the situation. Good luck though -