know any good jokes...
 

i am a person that likes to laugh....and can tell a good joke.

post them here and laugh your head office in the office.

(if you take offense...get over it)

she says....he hears

WHAT A WOMAN SAYS:
Cmon...This place is a mess!
You and I need to clean.
Your pants are on the floor
and you'll have no clothes
if we don't do laundry now!

WHAT A MAN HEARS:
C'MON....blah, blah, blah
YOU AND I blah, blah, blah
blah, blah ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!

http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif




------------------
"the ORIGINAL soror from the dirtiest part of the south"
(cheese grits, hogmahs and fatback)

MaMaBuddha
Delta Alpha/Epsilon Tau
Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Innnnnncorporated.
Spring 94
the 24th Diva of Perfection

Alpha Phi Omega, Fraternity, Incorporated
Alpha Gamma Gamma
Fall '98

Order of Eastern Star
Prince Hall Affilated
Prince Hall #27

Top 15 Signs You've Had Too Much of the 90s:

15. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

14. You have actually faxed your Christmas list to your parents.

13. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.

12. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.

11. You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their profits.

10. You get all excited when it's Saturday and you can wear sweats to work.

9. You refer to the tomatoes grown in your garden as deliverables.

8. You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.

7. You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week.

6. You think that "progressing an action plan" and "calendarizing a project" are acceptable English phrases.

5. You know the people at the airport hotels better than you know your next door neighbors.

4. You ask your friends to "think out of the box" when making Friday night plans.

3. You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put his ideas into a matrix.

2. You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.
And the number 1 sign you've had too much of the 90's:

1. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.



------------------
"the ORIGINAL soror from the dirtiest part of the south"
(cheese grits, hogmahs and fatback)

MaMaBuddha
Delta Alpha/Epsilon Tau
Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Innnnnncorporated.
Spring 94
the 24th Diva of Perfection

Alpha Phi Omega, Fraternity, Incorporated
Alpha Gamma Gamma
Fall '98

Order of Eastern Star
Prince Hall Affilated
Prince Hall #27

MaMaBuddha-I can identify with a lot of those things on that list! LOL!

Ok I've got one- I laughed when I read it so hopefully someone else will too!

*******************************************
Salesmen - Bait and Switch

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department
Store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales
experience?"

The kid says, "No, but I am a pretty quick learner."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start
tomorrow.I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the
storewas locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make
today?"

Kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people generally average 20 or 30
Sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

Kid says "$101,237.64."
Boss says "101,237.64?!? What the heck did you sell?"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish-hook. Then I sold him a
medium fish-hook. Then I sold him a larger fish-hook. Then I sold him a
new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said
down at the coast; so I told him he was gonna need a boat; so we went down
to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he
said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it; so I took him down to
the automotive department and sold him a 4X4 Blazer."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him
a boat and truck?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife;
and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing'".

hey that was funny....

here is one for the boobs out there...

College Entrance Exam

University of New Mexico
Entrance exam
Football player version
Time limit: 3 weeks

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the Ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions - or give the first name of Pierre Tudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
a. build a bridge
b. sail the ocean
c. lead an army
d. write a play

4. What religion is the Pope?
a. Jewish
b. Catholic
c. Hindu
d. Polish
e. Agnostic
(check only one)

5. Metric conversion - - how many feet are in 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (APPROX.)

8. What are the people in America's far north called?
a. westerners
b. southerners
c. easterners
d. northerners

9. Spell - Bush, Carter, and Clinton.

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being called George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does the rain come from?
a. Macy's
b. 7-11
c. Canada
d. The Sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
a. yes
b. no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the national anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers principle of Dynamic equilibrium - or - spell your name in block letters.

16. Where is the basement in a 3 story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
a. New York
b. FLORIDA
c. Canada
d. Wisconsin

18. Advanced math, If you have 3 apples, how many apples do you have?

19. What does NBC (national broadcasting co.) stand for?

20. The University of New Mexico tradition for efficiency began when?
a. B.C.
b. A.D.
c. STILL WAITING

* YOU MUST ANSWER THREE(3) OR MORE QUESTIONS CORRECTLY TO QUALIFY




------------------
"the ORIGINAL soror from the dirtiest part of the south"
(cheese grits, hogmahs and fatback)

MaMaBuddha
Delta Alpha/Epsilon Tau
Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Innnnnncorporated.
Spring 94
the 24th Diva of Perfection

Alpha Phi Omega, Fraternity, Incorporated
Alpha Gamma Gamma
Fall '98

Order of Eastern Star
Prince Hall Affilated
Prince Hall #27

LOL! Those were funny!

I have a joke. However, let me preface this joke by saying: please, do not take offense. Here goes:

On a flight to New York, the pilot comes on over the intercom and says that the plane is too heavy and that some of the luggage is going to have to be thrown off or else they will crash. So everyone gathers up their carry-ons and throws them out of the plane.

The pilot comes back on and says the plane is still too heavy. He says that people are going to have to start leaving the plane. In all fairness, he says that they will choose passengers alphabetically.

First he says: "All african-americans, please exit the plane." No one gets off. "All blacks please exit the plane." No one moves. "All coloreds get off the plane." Still no one moves.

At this point, a little black boy turns to his corporate dad in first class and says, "Dad, aren't we all of those things?" And the father turns to the son and says, "No son, we gon' be niggaz today."

serenity...

i do not take offense...that is funny...

Yes, it was funny. My dad told me that joke a while back and I was..

LMAOOTFRCTSWFAHMF

Figure that one out...acronym finder.

I'm 'bout to start making up my own acronyms...shoot!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

WINNING LOTTO

A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts to the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags I won the lottery!!"
The husband says, "Ohmigod! No kidding?!? What should I pack? Beach stuff, mountain stuff, What??"
The wife yells back, "It doesn't matter...just get the F*ck out!!"

this is real ghetto love...

this is real ghetto love...


Malik returns from the doctor and tells his wife, Laquita, that the
doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis,
Malik asks Laquita for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they "get busy."
About six hours later, Malik goes to Laquita and says, "Honey, you know
I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of
course, Laquita agrees, and they do it again. Later, as Malik gets into
bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches Laquita shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please ... just one more
time before I die."She says, "Of course, Big Daddy," and they make love for
the third time. After this session, Laquita rolls over and falls asleep.
Malik, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until
he's down to 4 more hours.
He taps Laquita, who rouses."Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think
we could..." At this point Laquita sits up and says, "Listen, Mother-F*cker,
I have to get up in the morning. You don't!

All these are great! Thanks for turning my day around!

MaMABuddha...

Soror, that was toooooo funny!!! I am literally crying right now. Whooo!!!


Sexy Mocha, that one was funny too.

Mmmm,mmm,mmm

So here I sit, in all my glory...
Lend me an ear, and I'll tell ya a story...
I once had a wife--she was such a dear,
Then came the Net, and it all disappeared!

Now there she sits, for hours on end...
don't care where I'm goin,' don't care where I've been.
It could be three, or it could be nine...
she really doesn't care, long as she's online.

She gets outta work and rushes home,
She comes in yelling at me, "Get off the phone!"
Where is the hug? Where is my kiss?
But she's at the computer--that's all she missed!

Talking to cyber friends, checking the mail
I might as well be in a Cyber Jail!
My stomach's growling--it's so unfair!
No clean dishes and no clean underwear!

Drink me a beer, stare at the walls
I'll pick at my teeth and roam the halls,
F--ting and burping what a sight to see...
Can you believe she's there?? When she could be with ME!

Deltabrat, I figured out your acronym!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif That was a good one... you silly girl! lol

elBoogie:

I can't believe you even tried to figure it out. Are you sure you have it?