Alrighty, my take on the situation:

1. We want to be interested. Do something to capture our interests, physically, emotionally, and/or mentally.

2. We want to think we're interesting. I'm not saying we want a fawning fan club, but some kind of validation on those physical/emotional/mental planes is great.

3. We want to have fun. Even the serious relationship guy wants to cut back and goof around sometimes.

4. Some of us don't want to talk. It's not that we don't care about you, it's simply that some men don't feel talk is essential to establishing intimacy. I read in a relationship book ("You Just Don't Understand" by Deborah Tannen, an excellent read), that men and women are looking to create their childhood best friends in their relationships. Women want a person they can tell everything to, men want a person they can do everything with.

Enjoy

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No funny squiggles, just bold letters: TKE

Amy,

These are my thoughts on this. Yes, guys do think differently than women. Its got to do with a lot of things. Its how we're brought up and socialized. Men and women deal with their emotions differently. Its just a fact a life. I think sometimes some women put their expectations on a man (dream guy) and find that they cant change them into what they want. Both women and men do it but just remember you cant change anyone. Its hard enough influencing kids to change and once they get to adulthood well most people are just set in their ways. Also, we all are a product of our upbringing. As perfect as many parents say their kids are(I learned this in psychology and experience in the field. That some issues go unresolved in your childhood. Whether you choose to accept it or not. I think that places a lot in relationships. Especially if you tend to be closer to your dad or mom. I think Personality and lifestyle influences the way you might approach a relationship. Thats why I dont think its really fair to lump all guys together. Some guys live a lifestyle where they dont want to play and they dont want to commit to anything. Then there are guys also that have been in a lot of relationships or not all all and then one girl really gets to him. Then she screws him up and then every relationship after that he trashes whoever he dates. I guess it all depends. I agree very much with GMUTeke on his insights. Especially with support without smothering the guy and even around company. I think that rains true to both sexs. We both want to be valued and know the other person cares. Trust/communication is the most important thing in a relationship because its about give and take and requires two people that want to make it work. If one person is not into you and they are not willing to work at it then its a waste of time. I think maturity plays a big part of it and is probably the second most important thing. Anyways, these are my thoughts on this. I hope it made sense.

Kevin

[This message has been edited by Miami1839 (edited July 23, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Miami1839 (edited July 23, 2001).]

Each sex is so busy trying to attract the opposite sex they don't take time to do the things they enjoy in life bc they are on a chase that leads nowhere. If people took the time to do things that interest them they will be more likely to find someone. I read this in a book" If I'm so Wonderful Why am I Single". The author didn't exactly say the above, but it was similar. Plus people need to smile more- one suggestion she has is to sit alone in a coffee shop every time a person comes in smile big and say hello- this makes people feel inviting. People need to stop waiting for someone else to make the first move. Smiles attract. Even if you are a wallflower like me you can still make others feel warm by smiling and if they smile back start a conversation.

Lana,

Thanks for sharing that. Those ideas make a lot of sense. I admit I need to smile more often. Your right about not waiting but its just a fact that most girls let guys do the first step. I see where your coming from though.

Kevin

Kevin,
i decided I am going to try to take the first step more often. I have talked to a lot of guys who said they wish they didn't always have to make the first move. I know it will be hard because I don't want to be rejected, but I figure at least I will be making myself a stronger person- because I am initiating and even if I get turned down- I can know it isn't a personal insult against me-I read in my other book"Why do I feel I need a man to survive" That only we can validate ourselves. no one else can make us feel worthy. I admit my self-esteem is low and I often base my emotions on whether I am single thus this equals hurt in the long run because I am not validatig myself. I am letting others determine my emotions/ worth. This is why relationships fail.

Here is a paragraph from Susan Page's " If i'm so Wonderful Why Am i still Single?"
" By buying into the idea that we must lower our standards we perpetuate the belief that really good relationships don't exist. We all settle for less than wonderful partners and then get to look around and Say,"see I was right. There are no ideal relationships." Such reasonining does not serve anyone. It is pessimistic... It will ultimately result in a lowering of self-esteem bc after you put energy into a relationship the feeling" this is the best I could get" transforms slowly into " this is the most i deserve." ...Lowering your standards is impossible to do anyway. Your ideals and fantasies are what they are."You may tell yourself you have lowered your standards, but the real ones are always there-lurking somewhere in the backround."

well lets see.. I always look for a girl who has similar interests and is fun to hang out with. I like being around people who like to have fun and not just sitting around watching tv or something. I always look for this above looks really. Just one guys 3 cents worth.

Lana,

Thats great your doing that. More women should take the initiative and do the asking http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif Thanks for sharing the artile. It makes a lot of sense. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif Strangely, I can relate to it.

Kevin