Finish the sentence:
 

Dear ___________________________,

Would you please THINK before you -

Dear Stupid People,

Would you please think before you have sex and get knocked up? I have enough silly children with idiot parents in my classes. I don't need anymore. And neither do my co-workers.

Sincerely,
Me

Dear Financially Destitute--

Would you please THINK before you spend $1600 on an Multi Level Marketing conference and stay at the Peabody while your house is being foreclosed on. It sold at auction for $100 and you were on vacation. That's just beyond stupidity.

Dear disgruntled new initiate,
Please THINK before you drop out.

Dear ex,
Please THINK before you ask stupid questions.

Dear Daddy,
Please THINK before you try to set me up with someone closer to Mom's age than mine...

Dear Applicant,

Please THINK before you apply for a job working with the elderly. It may sound a bit like discrimination, but most older folks will form a negative opinion on you when they see that you have enough piercings in your face to set off a metal detector.

Silly elderly!

Me

Dear Village of "___" (where I live):

Would you please think before you make me pay nearly $1,000 a year to park 2 blocks away when there are spaces available right outside my building? Why are you so uptight about parking?!?

You don't need to be so afraid of cars. Most of us have them. It's the 21st century. Deal with it! They're just cars in need of parking spaces! They're not going to kill you.

Please stop torturing your citizens.

Thanks,

Me

Dear Stupid Mom on Airline:

Would you please THINK before you bring your toddler on a 4-hour plane flight without also bringing along a few essentials? Any of the following would have made for a much more pleasant flight all around:

- Coloring/activity book
- Favorite stuffed animal or other toy
- Hand-held video game
- A snack
- Some juice
- Duct tape for the toddler's mouth
- Children's Nyquil to put the toddler to sleep
- Ear plugs for all the other passengers so we wouldn't have had to listen to "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY" for four hours straight

Regards,
Me
(six rows back, armed with an iPod, and I've still got a headache)

Dear Moron of a Boy I Call Mine,

Let's just be friends.


- Me