Would you rather...
 

Another thread made me think of this question. I thought there was a thread about this, but I couldn't find it. If someone else does find it, bump it or link it....otherwise:

Assuming (for the sake of argument) you would know, would you rather accept a bid to a sorority that you weren't QUITE in love with, but knew you were at the TOP of their bidlist or accept a bid from THE group you LOVED from the first day of Rush where you were the very last Quota Addition, and they only put you on their bidlist at all because they'd rather take a warm body, then not take the max they can take?

I'd rather not know either way.

Kind of a cop out but what can you do.

I think I'd rather be in the group that apparently loved me. I can always work on my feelings toward the group. I'd be working from a position of personal power. It's another thing altogether to try to get a group to love and accept you. No one has the power to change other people's minds.

In this scenario (I wasn't completely clear), is the group that's taking me as the last QA my absolutely favorite, or just another group?

Yeah, I meant to say that.

I think that I would actually go with the group that I absolutely loved throughout rush. Especially because rush is often times overwhelming and you don't get to know girls well. I would rather end up at the place I really wanted and then take the time to really get to know the other girls in my pledge class and in the sorority. Hopefully they would also take the chance on getting to know me better too.

Like Drolefille, I would hope I would never know "for sure", because I think like we read over and over again in the recruitment threads, most people end up where they're supposed to be, regardless.

Since your scenario specifies that I would know that one group "loved" me and one would just "tolerate" me (even if I coveted them, which, frankly, being me, I most likely wouldn't, particularly if I knew I was last on their list), I'd want to be where I knew I was wanted. Like can grow into love. Feeling inadequate doesn't go away.

I would much rather go to a place that loved me then be with girls who didn't really want me around - that makes you a loser and nobody wants to be a loser. You can always warm up to your group later and it's a lot easier to do if you're in a welcoming environment.

Good question, AF, even if it is potentially unoriginal.

It's really a moot point since we don't get that kind of information when we accept our bid, but I'd probably go with the chapter that I wanted to be in whether or not they wanted me as badly as I thought they should. Over time, I'm sure I'd win them over. Not to mention, chapters do change over time, and the girls who may not have wanted me will probably not be there much longer. From my experience, there are few spots given to women that the entire chapter doesn't like. If ten women in the chapter don't like me during rush, who cares? There will likely be ten women in any organization that don't like any given person in their chapter...it's human nature not to like everyone!

Like others have said, I'd rather not know where I stood on either bid list.

But I have to say that I'd rather be in the group I absolutely loved. I mean, that's why we rank our preferences in order, right? I guess I would rank the chapter I loved higher than a chapter I kinda liked. And I'd therefore be thrilled to have received a bid from my first choice.

Normally, you don't get that info, but sometimes it is clear how you got your bid. I received a phone call a few minutes before Bid Day activities offering me a bid to a sorority after I had not matched anywhere the day before. I knew exactly how I ended up on that list, and I felt terrible about it. Feeling sorry for myself, I declined, but I often wished that I had put aside my pride and joined those new sisters!

Interesting. If I was a freshman when you asked, I would have said the one I like more. Knowing what I know now from being on the "other side", I would say the one that liked me more because I do feel that for the most part the sorority women have a better understanding of if you would fit with their chapters than you (the PNM) do.

Duke, good point. I agree - the actives know the Greek community a lot better than PNMs do for obvious reasons.

Erica, what you're referring to is snap-bidding and though it's good in theory to allow as many girls as possible to be placed, I can certainly see how it may make the PNM feel kinda unwanted... I can imagine getting a call from my Rho Gamma telling me I hadn't been placed, then a couple of hours of crying later, I get a call from a group that I didn't put on my bid card... definitely doesn't look good. Like I said, good in theory...

I think many PNMs miss the opportunity when a weaker chapter really wants them and they cut it because they want to be in the strongest chapter possible. They don't see that if you join a weaker group, you can be their superstar! (leadership opportunities, rush the girls your group really wants, social power to make changes for your group, etc.) It is very hard to overcome thinking you don't belong and you are only technically part of a sisterhood. From my alumna perspective, I'd rather go with the chapter that loved me.

Change is not always easy! Once I got a job (i know, not the same) because the boss wanted someone who was good at looking at problems and finding solutions and the program that I worked for needed that. The problem was that the people who worked there before i started were not interested in change and I basically accomplished nothing.

Plus, when searching for colleges I was always told go to a college that has what you want, and don't go to a college that might start what you want. So, with that idea I think young freshman woman would want to choose a group that already has the things that they wanted rather than think that they MIGHT make changes to a group and turn it into something that they wanted. I guess my thought is that if the chapter is not doing certain things then why would they already start? Maybe people joined that group because they did not do those certain activities, so if someone went in with the attitude of I can make a change, like i did with my job, they might soon learn that they have little ablitiy to make changes.

I am talking about say a choice between a "large" sorority that does things like cruises and fun philanthropy activities, rather than a "small" chapter that is known for being small and does not do the activities that the "larger" chapters do. I am viewing this from my own experience at my university when I was a student, so this might not apply to every senerio.