Pledge Shouldn't Drop
 

Hey Everyone,

I'm in a fraternity and one of our pledges who is my lil bro in the house (doesn't know it yet) and depledged but didn't want to. He got a $400 speeding ticket and now can't afford the house thats why he had to drop. This kid is an amazing person who would be great for our house and we share many things in common and even though he says he will rush in spring there are already other fraternities after him. I've already told him that i would pay for his ticket but he has too much pride t take it. I'm having lunch with him in an hour.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

you have been more than generous by offering to pay for his traffic ticket. and good for him for not taking you up on it-as you said, he is a man of
honor.

if he truly is depledging for a purely financial reason, and does not have his eye on another fraternity, you could continue to meet with him on a social basis. ask him to the parties at the house(with your chapters permission), meet him for lunch or coffee, etc. just keep him as involved as you can and keep in touch.

could his pledgeship be extended thru or deferred until next semester? that way he would not have to go thru spring recruitment and would not be available for another fraternity to snap up. check with your chapter and see if he can defer his bid until next semester.

Hmm... isn't it a little late for lunch? That aside, are you absolutely sure that the ticket is the only reason he is dropping? You mentioned other fraternities were after him, so maybe one of them convinced him he should join another group next spring? If that isn't a possibility, what if the offer of paying the ticket came from a larger group of individuals? I know I would feel uncomfortable taking any money from a friend, and might still feel uncomfortable taking money from a group of friends. However, I think that there is a chance he might feel less guilty if he knows that it is a gesture from more than just you.

That's all I've got. However, as an advisor who lost two new members this year for financial issues... it is always sad when members have to drop, but sometimes you just have to let things play out. It is better to find this out now then after initiation when you have to ask them for money for years to come.

I really appreciate your help in this situation and I am trying to take all positive possibilities into mind.

Thank You

you're welcome. maybe some of the greekchat gentlemen will give you some suggestions so you don't just have the female point of view.

I agree with FSUZeta's advice so I'm not sure what more I could add. But here goes.

First off, if you haven't already, ask him to postpone his decision until *the two of you* (you are his Big Brother after all) can work out a solution to the problem. That way, he still has responsible for his debt; but hopefully, he will not feel like he is alone in having to solve it.

Next, you may want to suggest some sort of payment plan. He should see if he can do one with the police or state troupers. If not, then check with the chapter. Most fraternities have some sort of guidelines for an unexpected hardship situation and they may apply to this situation. Or instead of flat out giving him the money, you (others, the chapter) may offer to loan him the money. However, if you do so, make sure that both of you are comfortable with the terms. You do not want something like money to cause any hard feelings between y'all. Since you originally offered to pay the ticket without repayment, you really shouldn't expect to get your money back in a timely fashion. Allow for some token payment per month for example.

And if none of those pan out, then as as was suggested, see if his pledgeship can be deferred. Again, this may classify as a hardship situation.

Finally, if he has to depledge, as FSUZeta noted, keep him involved with the chapter.

Best of luck.

If it really is that he doesn't want to take the money because of honor, how about saying it's a dues scholarship from the chapter? That way, instead of you paying for his mistake, he was chosen to receive a scholarship. He never has to admit that it's because otherwise he would have had to drop.

Umm....giving someone a "scholarship" because they messed up and got a $400 speeding ticket????? This kid brought this on himself and does not deserve it. A scholarship from the chapter should be given to a member who is facing financial hardship that is not their own doing (i.e. family tragedy). This would set a very dangerous precedent. The next time someone got a ticket, or gambled their money away and couldn't pay the fees, they would expect a "scholarship" to help them out.

To the OP: While it's sad that you might be losing a potentially good member, you can't force him to find the money to stay. Again, he brought this on himself. It's not your responsibility to help him out of this jam. He can always come back and pledge next time. If he really wants to be in YOUR fraternity, he will return to your chapter. If you're worried about other groups taking him away, that should tell you something: that he's probably not 100% sure he should be joining your organization to begin with.

Agree 100%. He needs to take responsibility for his own mistakes. He screwed up. Pretty big screw up, if it's a $400 ticket.

You can be there for him, but he needs to clean up his own mess. Things in life have consequences. Getting a $400 speeding ticket has consequences. As his big, aren't you supposed to help him mature and grow as an individual?

My question is how fast do you have to drive to get a $400 dollar ticket!?

Not too fast if this is in Virginia.:mad:

oh yes, its not that hard to get a big ticket like that in va.....ohh virginia.

You ain't kiddin! The cops on I-95 are horrible!!!

To the OP, I hoped you two were able to work something out. A "scholarship" is a dumb idea but I think a "loan" from the chapter as a whole might be good. That way, he's still held accountable for his actions. Otherwise, I would also look into extended pledgeship. My boyfriend did that in his fraternity since he was too busy to pledge that first semester (ROTC stuff I think) so he was a pledge for two semesters. He said he didn't mind it so much and just made him appreciate being a brother that much more and since by then he was older, he got to live in the house. And houses at UGA are pretty nice...

Sorry, I am going to have to STRONGLY disagree. A fraternity is not in the business of making loans to its members for things that they screwed up. Now, some of our groups have loans or other financial assistance for members who are going through an extreme hardship (such as, I don't know- cancer or other very serious illness), but those are done on a national level for the most part.

A $400 is a f*&k up, not an extreme hardship. Giving an loan is still awarding his illegal behavior. Not to mention the messiness it could make administratively and practically.

Help him get a job.

Kddani, fair enough. I just didn't want it to be a hand-out, that's all. I definitely agree that it was his mistake and yeah it sucks, but trying to compromise to find a way to keep him in may prove difficult if he can't afford it. It's hard to find truly great new members sometimes and when it's your own little, that makes it even harder. I'm sure there has to be constructive ways to help him besides giving him money...