Unhappy in my fraternity
 

I went to a community college for two years, then transferred to a 4 year school as a junior. I decided because I missed out on the "college life" for two years, and because I never got an opportunity to live in the freshman dorms, I'd rush a fraternity as a way to make new friends and try to make the most out of my college experience in two years.

Well, I rushed, and got into a fraternity. One thing that was understandably hidden by the fraternity during rush was that they were in a major rebuilding stage. I don't know all the details but I understand there were some disputes between the leadership and some actives and a good portion of actives ended up quitting. At the time I rushed, most of the active members were seniors. Anyway, my pledge class was huge (about the size of the active class) in order to regain membership. The pledge class was mostly freshmen.

This year, I'm a senior and I'm living in the house, but I don't feel like I'm really a part of the fraternity. The house consists almost entirely of my pledge class. However, I'm a senior, while almost everyone else is a sophomore. Because of my being older, I just don't feel like I have a lot in common. There are only a couple of people who share my major, but they're all taking lower division classes while I'm taking upper division, so I can never schedule classes with my brothers. I'm one of the few 21 year olds in the house, but since mostly everyone else is younger, I can't go out to any clubs with my brothers. It kind of saddens me when I go downtown and see huge groups from other fraternities there.

Anyway, I'm graduating this year, but so I kind of feel like just sticking it out for another year, but it's hard. I guess there's always going to be inherent problems when rushing as a junior, but because most of the older active class graduated now that I've moved into the house, I don't feel like I have a lot of older guys to hang out with who I think I'd have more in common with. My best friends, who I tend to party with and go on trips like camping, are not in the fraternity. I'd talk to my chapter president, but I honestly don't think he's the kind of guy who I could talk about issues like this to. Should I seek out an adviser or something?

What would you talk to the advisor about?

You all may need chapter building programs so that you all can be better organized and understand each other more.

You may've joined your fraternity for the wrong reasons but without being negative about it all, reach out to a brother.

I don't know. I guess most of the problem stems from the fact that I'm older than almost everyone and there's few people my age. I don't know if there's anything that can be done about that, unless I change my attitude about it.

Deal with it. You'll be facing (at times) the same issues the rest of your life. I experienced something similar as an undergrad. I don't drink; most of my chapter brothers were 2 years older than me or 2 years younger than me. Those who were my age often had the goal of getting as drunk as possible beginning around lunchtime Friday and staying that way till Sunday afternoon. I basically had nothing in common with them, except we joined the same fraternity.

Keep the following in mind:

1. Your fraternity membership is lifelong. You will probably get more out of it as an alumnus than as an undergrad...especially if you volunteer.

2. Guys have this "romantic" (sorry, can't think of another way to put it) notion that a fraternity is A) not a business and B) you have to be best friends with your fraternity brothers. A) It is, and B) no you don't. Having good friends outside the fraternity is probably a good idea. It's called balance. I personally should develop more friendships outside of my fraternity brothers.

3. As someone who's older, you probably have more to offer than the sophs, both to the chapter and to the other members. Take the younger guys in your major under your wing, give them advice on which professors to take/avoid (if you know, since most of your basics were probably at a juco). Get involved with your chapter...hopefully you're a little more responsible than the sophs and do a better job of following through.

4. You may not be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor, but future chapter brothers will. And most will be appreciative of the work you've done.

Good luck!

I joined my sorority as a junior. All of my pledge class with the exception of myself were freshman (which I was pretty much expecting going in). The key for me was to seek out things i had in common with my pledge class sisters. Eventhough they were younger, a lot of us had the same values and interests in mind and became quite close. I was also older than a lot of the sisters in my chapter at the time. Guess what? I made the effort to get to know them and find things in common with them to build friendships on and it worked. I also jumped right in by taking on leadership roles and mentoring new members in the classes coming in after me. Dont count out your brothers as having nothing in common with you just because they are younger. Greek membership is like being a member in/of anything else. It takes work for it to be worthwhile and you get out of it what you put into it.

As far as being an alum goes, I get just as much out of that experience as I did my college experience eventhough this time, most alumnae in this area are older than me (and from many different chapters). I make the effort to find common ground with them to build relationships on.

I would suggest trying to find other things in common with your bros.

Thanks for the replies. I guess I have started to try to find things in common with my brothers these past few weeks, and that was also one of the major decisions why I decided to live in the house this year.