Drop out or be persistent?
 

I am currently a new member. Everything is all good except for one thing. I have two young children who I bring to chapter meetings, which people didn’t seem to mind at first. Then, we had our pledging ceremony, the president made my kids leave the room. I thought she was being quite rude. They cannot stay outside in the halls by themselves, they are too young. That defeats the purpose of bringing my kids to chapter meetings, I might as well leave them home alone.

Since then, some of the actives told me that my children are a distraction and they don’t belong at the meetings. They also said it is inappropriate to bring my kids to parties. Dear son and dear daughter are very well behaved. I don’t see what the problem is.

The actives are wearing on my nerves, sometimes I debate if I should even stick with this sorority. On the other hand, I’m really enjoying myself. What can I do to persuade the actives to let me bring my children around?

Honestly, I'd agree with your chapter. Non members cannot be present during closed rituals, including children. That is a rule of your sorority. Can't you get their father to babysit or a family member? It is not appropriate to bring your children to sorority meetings or parties. You need to reexamine your priorities if you absolutely cannot get a babysitter.

definitely agree. sorry green+white, but they're right. it's absolutely not appropriate for them to be present during meetings, and especially during a ritual. bringing them to a meeting every once in a while would probably ok as an exception, not a rule. what is the problem with getting someone to watch them? if you have the money to go to college and pledge a sorority, i find it strange that you wouldn't have money to hire someone.

Figure out what your priorities are and check them at the door.

hmmm.... I have had children attend meetings, and I was ok with that on an occasional basis but it can be a distraction. Not necessarily because your kids are not well behaved, but because the other women will make faces at them, wave etc. It can be a distraction.

In terms of parties and ceremonies--I would unfortunately have to agree with the chapter. Purely from a legal perspective, having your kids present at any event increases the chapter's liability. If something should happen to one of them, for whatever reason, that would not be a good thing.

I was once in a ceremony where a member brought her two children. They were well behaved, but the two year old was wandering among the sisters standing with candles. I just kept imagining someone backing into her or worse, wax falling on her. I should have stopped it at the time by taking her out and watching her myself, but I didn't want to make a scene. I did make sure that it never happened again, and that may have meant that sister had to miss such opportunities. Ceremonies and rituals are meant to be special, solemn times.

In terms of what you should do--that I cannpt answer. Did the sisters tell you that it was ok to bring your children before you joined? What is the likelihood you could find child care?

Sorry, but your chapter is in the right here.

Why is the pledging ceremony considered as a closed ritual? We don't learn any secrets of our sorority yet.

I have my priorities straight. My kids are well fed, have decent name brand clothing, and a roof over their head. My family and my kids' father live in a different city. Babysitters ask for too much money.

That's the problem almost all of my money goes to tuition, sorority dues, food/clothing for my kids, and personal things for myself. After that, I do not have enough money left over babysitters when I go to sorority functions. I only use babysitters when I go to work, I can afford anything else.

My children are not dumb enough to get burned by candles. I don't see that as a problem at all.

No, the sisters did not tell me it was okay to bring my kids before I joined, but they didn't say the kids were prohibited.

Yes your children are perfect. Ok...they are telling you now that children are prohibited. So now you know and you have a decision to make.

Green+White,

I don't know your sorority makeup, but my guess is that many of these women do not have children. Have you considered meeting with the leadership and talking about solutions? They may not understand the difficulty in finding sitters and you may be able to find a resolution.

My bigger concern is that you will be spending the next few years (I'm guessing) involved in this chapter. Your children can be the most well-behaved, wonderful children and it still not be appropriate for them to attend some events, like formal chapters and date parties. Do you feel you have enough in common with these women to continue after the gifts and big sis reveals turn into hours-long recruitment workshops and committee meetings?

Only you can answer this one! Good luck!

Troll.

how old are your kids? and it doesn't take a dumb child to get burned, just a bored one. no matter how well behaved they are, i'm sorry--it's NOT appropriate for them to be present at rituals. you have to realize that you are not the only one affected. it's not fair to the girls you are initiating with to have a different experience than all the other pledge classes just because one girl needed to bring her kids. maybe you can work something out with a friend on campus that would be available in a pinch?

...wait...you WORK too? how the...whatever. i guess if you work hard enough you CAN have it all. but let me tell you something. there's this woman who is an interest for my sorority right now. she's fantastic; never misses anything--one of our favorite girls to go on. yet she has 2 young children. thing is...she WAITED until she was at a point in her life that her children wouldn't be a factor in her sorority experience. i don't understand why you wouldn't want to do the same. your sorority is such a personal thing...i don't get why you feel your children should be part of it.

Did the women you talked to during recruitment know you have two small children whom you would be bringing with you?

The sorority accepted you, not your children. I can imagine my chapter taking a woman who had children if she were a good fit, however I cannot imagine that we would allow her to bring her children to chapter. Sorority business concerns the members of a sorority, and it is no more apropriate to bring children to closed meetings than friends in different organizations, or your mother. If you can't afford a babysitter, you should reevaluate your expensive decision to pay dues to a sorority.

Second.

[That's the problem almost all of my money goes to tuition, sorority dues, food/clothing for my kids, and personal things for myself. After that, I do not have enough money left over babysitters when I go to sorority functions. I only use babysitters when I go to work, I can afford anything else.]

First of all, due to the fact that you have two children I'm sure you get a decent amount of financial aid. Secondly, if you do not have the means to hire someone to watch your children then maybe you should not commit to something as time consuming as a sorority. Use your common sense...children do not belong at chapter meetings, parties, or rituals; they're CHILDREN not mini-adults!